8 undeniable signs that you're growing old

You may be below fifty or forty. Heck you may be the textbook definition of a millennial. But sometimes there are some undeniable signs that your role model is more Betty White than Beyonce.

Here are some irrevocable signs that you’re getting on in your years.

You always make a noise when you sit

For some reason, you find it necessary to release a heartfelt sigh every time you sit down. Your day is made the moment you finally get to sit down after walking from the stage to your office or when you have to get up to pick something from the floor.

You always make a noise when you stand

You hate it when your comfort is ruined to go get the door or when you need to grab the remote from where you last left it.

You take a cup of tea after meals

There is always tea available. Every day after meals, you must have your cup of tea once you are satisfied. You are never sure why. You just do.

You dislike noise

As you get on in your years, you develop an aversion to noise. When you board a nganya your day is ruined. When you walk outside a happening club, your day is ruined. You wish school ran from December to December from midnight to midnight so that you don’t have to hear children shouting in unbridled joy.

You wave your fist

Whenever you’re displeased by something, you respond to it not by tweeting but by folding your face and waving your fist at whatever spirits dare to displease you.

You can’t multitask

There was a time when you could run the world. You knew where your elder sister’s baby is, you could chat with your mum while texting your boyfriend while DMing your side dish while facebooking with the bff. Now you have to shut off the TV to answer a text.

You keep talking about “the good old days”

When the president launched his laptop project, you were probably the most vocal opponents because “back in your day” learning was pencil and paper. Football was better “back in your day”. TV was better “back in your day”. Music was better “back in your day”. You feel sorry for the younger generation because of what they missed out on.

You want to be home before the neighbour’s dog is let loose

When you go out with your friends who are still as active as a toddler on a sugar rush, you would never want to admit to them that by 8 pm you just want to be home, in bed, with a cup of tea. So you tell them that Tusker will be released and you need to be indoors before that happens or you will have trouble getting inside your house.