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Covering breasts with a bed sheet, morning breath and other lies movies love to show us about sex

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The good, the bad and the false from TV and movie sex scenes

Sex. It’s a big deal. From movies to TV to books, it’s likely to be there. As a plot device or as just any other normal day occurrence like brushing your teeth or having to bargain with kanges every commute.

But in TV shows and movies, the objective isn’t to be realistic. It’s about art and story-telling and avoiding lawsuits.

 

There are however, blatant lies about sex and sadly, most people have been believing them.

People don’t have cellulite

Even men get cellulite. Fat tissues stores under the skin aren’t going to be orderly unless you are Beyonce. That fat is going to be there in all its dimpled glory.

Women always have sex in bras

This is never understood. Unless it’s a half dressed quickie in say, an elevator or a broom closet, it’s unfathomable why the bra stays on- the entire time. Considering how women are quick to chuck their bras the moment they get home.

Sex is always neat and tidy

Even in TV shows like Sex and the City which were a bit more realistic, the characters were never dishevelled. Make up was in place. Bedhead was only that pretty rock star chic look. The reality is the complete opposite. Most people look like they’ve been through an obstacle course after ten minutes of sex.

 

Morning kisses

They just don’t happen that way in reality.

Wet spots

After sex, the characters just plop on the bed. In reality, after sex, the couple usually has navigate the splooge all over the sheets then after a moment’s rest, half-hearted clean up begins. Or they just ignore them altogether.

Modesty

No woman is going to cover herself up after sex with a silk bed sheet demurely placed over her breasts.

Deep stares in mid-thrust

That only happens in movies. Even in porn they don’t have romantic middle distance stares in the middle of vigorous activity.

The angles

Some of the angles in movies literally don’t make sense. Such as the one where the lady is on the bottom with her legs together and the fellow is above her, astride her but thrusting is ongoing. How though?

 

The speed of the thrusts

Sex is a lot more intricate than movies would have you believe. But in various scenes, you find the velocity of the thrusts has no consistency with reality. The in-out motion advertised is more akin to a flash drive being inserted in a port.

The noises

Just like porn, the noises in TV and movie sex are plenty unrealistic. As a victim of plenty a loud neighbour, it’s a known fact to everyone that people make quite the noises when they’re having sex. They are loud, nigh unnatural and not the breathless whispers and shy gasps of TV starlets.

Shower sex

In the movies, stars will look sexy with water running down their perfect toned bodies making you want to jump through the screen and lick all those enticing droplets. A make out scene happens and as the stars close their eyes in pleasure, you think to yourself, "I should try this." Don't. A shower film set is not as slippery as a real bathroom. Plus patapata slippers just aren't attractive.

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