You can smell perfume on his shirt, he won’t give you his phone password and he's been picking up calls from another room. When you ask, he says its sensitive detail from work or he didn’t even notice that he does it. You can’t help notice the look on his face when he's texting. You know it because he used to look at you like that when used he flirt with you. He doesn’t do it anymore, in fact you can’t remember the last time he told you something naughty enough to make you blush. You don’t want to believe it, even when the truth is right in front of you. The ghost from your worst nightmare just knocked your front door...
The other woman.
Your worst nightmare is knocking your door, the other woman. (Courtesy)
You fight about it, he doesn’t seem to get the picture. You don’t want to sound like a nagging wife. Lord knows you hate drama but what's a girl to do when the man of her dreams is chasing another?
You know you can leave but there are children to think about. You don’t want them to grow without a father because who's going to take a divorcee with children to the altar?
These undoubtedly make perfect reasons why you should hate the other woman. Cheating makes the victim feel stupid, undesirable and unworthy of being loved. The idea of another woman in the arms of your man is devastating but while the entitlement to ditch the manhore or fight for your relationship is ripe, there are somethings you have to consider.
The entitlement to divorce your spouse may be ripe. (Courtesy)
- First of all, the cheating party is always the one at fault. Cheating is a choice and not a mistake. He wasn’t forced to do it. He willingly pursued her or accepted to be willed by her interests. There is a high chance that she doesn’t even know that you exist.
- She wasn’t born in Mars. Cathy Meyer a divorce expert says that, “He/she happened to be in the right spot at the right time. They are nothing special. Your spouse was looking for an affair, not looking for that person in particular. They are not superior to you, they are simply different from you. You are the husband or wife, all they are is a distraction or an addiction.”
- Their relationship is an illusion. He is using her as an escape from his family and marital problems. It’s a fantasy solace where his causes of distress don’t exist. He sees her as someone who offers a new life. In the end, it all comes back to him when he realizes that the only thing that changed was the person he was handling it with.
- You might feel the need to evaluate yourself and see if you’re the cause. Do it but only to an extent. Over self-evaluation may make you feel worthless. It leads to depression, self-loathing and anxiety. He's already taken enough from your happiness.
Whatever your goal is, whether it is to save your marriage or divorce your spouse, you have to keep a straight head. Don’t lose your dignity over the greediness of a man. You’re worth much more than he realizes and that’s his fault.