You’re not rich until you can do this: Lessons from Yoweri Museveni

You ever sat down, looked through the window and wondered, what’s life really like for the rich and famous? What’s it like living rich you could literally start your own bank? Welp, congratulations. I’m the guy who scours the internet (with my tongue hanging expectantly off the side of my mouth) for such information.

First up, President Yoweri Kaguta Museveni!

Dear old Museveni! A man with undying love toward the Office of the President. He’s been on the thrones longer than it took me to pronounce “Patatas bravas” in Spanish class (confession: I still can’t). To put it in a way you’d understand, picture his choice of shoes as a representation of his regime.

He’s also contender for coolest President in Africa thanks to his musical ability. It wasn’t until his rap freestyle dropped that anyone knew you could rhyme “reputation” with “reputation.” Classic.

Years of clinging on to the top job in the country has brought with it great wealth! So great it has been that no amount of Alzheimer's disease can make us forget these showy displays!

1. A Sack of Money, literally!

If you need to carry $100,000 why bother with debit cards, wallets, or a briefcase when there’s an underused sack in the kitchen store that isn’t stuffed by any Oluwombo? Museveni is known to have a strict policy when it comes to how resources are spent. We like to think this was a testament to that spirit. That, or there just isn’t any other way known to man on how carry all that money to be fair.

2. Roadside Netflix & Chill.

What’s the use of being rich if you can’t take time out to enjoy your hard-earned success? Like say, travel the world or perhaps mundane things like pulling a chair out by the side of a bustling highway to check up your daily horoscope in cross-legged comfort. Maybe even phone your chef and remind them that you’re now “spiritually enlightened”, which puts you on a steady diet of cruciferous vegetables and soy yoghurt.

Rich or rich, it’s the little things that count guys!

3. Yoweri Carter III Mixtape.

You would think by now that being filthy rich requires you put in *some* effort in stuff you do, or at least that’s what your bestseller, “guy who’s helped thousands get rich” says. There are caveats. ‘Le Prez’ surprised his fans with a not-so-smashing hit whose rhymes were as passive-aggressive as me trying to pick the remote control from the couch that’s like 2 metres away.

I’ll admit, I’ve seen bizarre attempts at making music in my long life, nothing compares to this.

But he’s rich! That’s VIP ticket to getting involved in the least of what is expected of you.

Anyway who wants anootherr rrrrap??

Luckily, he didn’t go on tour. I mean who wants to catch 450 LBS in case he decides to crowd-surf.

4. Dancing shoes on!

It’s clear by now that Museveni just wanted to be a rockstar (but he was probably told he couldn’t sing when he was young) so he settled for a measly president’s life. But you know what they say about dreams? Keep chasing. And show up with every opportunity. Don’t worry that hundreds of dignitaries are staring down at you in open-mouth shock.

You’re rich. You don’t even have a face to save.

This article is the first part of our NOT RICH Series.