Churches are filled with different types of people who go to church for different reasons. As others go to connect with the Lord, others go to look for a partner, showcase their sense of fashion or even try and seduce the choir master.
10 types of Kenyans you will always find in Church
Usiskize sauti, skiza maneno!
Pulselive.co.ke did an investigation and came up with some of the queer characteristics of people that you will find in church.
Take a look;
These are people who get tse tse fly bites immediately they step in the church. They will sleep during the praise and worship session, during the sermon, and even when people are giving their tithes and offering.
Some will go to the extent of drooling or snoring.
Most of these guys are usually in the Choir. They look good, dress in nice fitting suits and have a voice that could make angels jealous. He is a committed Christian but guess who else he loves other than Jesus? Ladies. He has plenty of them especially in the church, yet people think he is waiting for God’s time.
The one with a crying baby
You will never miss a mother in church whose baby is always crying. The baby will cry and scream when the church is quiet and when the preacher is just about to deliver the gospel to the lambs of God.
Mama Jay will be forced to go out and immediately she comes back in, Jay will start crying and cause so much fuss, you will think he has been possessed by the evil spirits.
The one with funny unnecessary testimony
This type will repeat bwana asifiwe for like six times before getting into their unnecessary testimony. They will then go ahead to say how they slept last night, woke up healthy and how God saved them from stepping on a dead scorpion on their way to church.
Some will even forget about their testimony and start singing.
Usiskize sauti skiza maneno
When you hear this statement, just know that whoever is going to sing has one of the ugliest voices in the world.
I don’t understand how this type of people will tell us to listen to the words and not their voice. Of course, we’ll have to put up with the bad voice. How will we listen to the song without listening to the voice?
They will move chairs and dance like its their last day on earth. They don’t care whether they break their bones or hit you in the process. They will even try to infuse some club moves to match their dancing.
Brain washed followers
These ones believe that God left rules and commandments which need to be followed. They will question you if you wear trousers to church, get piercings or when you have friends of the opposite sex.
Some even believe that social media is evil and that people will go to hell for it.
The late comer
Even when they wake up early, they will still arrive late to church. They usually show up looking confused and sometimes their heels make funny noises attracting every ones attention.
The one with awkward moments
There will always be funny characters in church who have awkward moments. One will put the microphone too close to the mouth and another choir member will always be out of tune while another will scream too much.
Some will trip when going to give their offerings or get stranded because they don’t know how to adjust the microphone stand.
Holiday church goers
These ones will go to church during the weekends. They will show up during Easter, Christmas and New Year's Eve then disappear again for like 7 months before resurfacing.
The show off
Even if the church is five minutes away from home, they will make sure they drive to church just to show off their Audi A7. They will wear an expensive suit, cologne and carry their two tablets and car keys with them.
Single and searching
Some people believe that good wives are only found in the church. They will religiously go to church every Sunday hoping that God will shine a light and show them the chosen one for them.
The holier than thou
They are very spiritual, know almost all the bible verses and don’t even talk to non-Christians or listen to ungodly sons.
They keep mentioning Jesus in every sentence and keep rebuking the devil. To them everyone else is a sinner.
The rich one
Whenever there is a fundraising or any event in the church, this rich and ‘blessed’ person will donate over Sh30K or offer to help needy students. His contributions are usually the biggest and the pastor wishes everyone was as generous as him.
Never miss a service church goer
If they ever miss a church service, just know that they either lost their legs or they are in a critical condition.
They dutifully go to church, sing in the choir, are active members in the church WhatsApp group and even the Church committee.
They are usually an inspiration to many.
This one will be always be giving you advise on what to do at whatever point in your journey. They will notice you slip away from the church and pray for you and try to keep you grounded.
The possessed ones
When the church service is over and the man of God wants to pray to people, there will be some of the people who get possessed, scream and throw themselves everywhere. Some of them will begin to chant.
While others go to church to praise and worship the Lord, these one will be busy showing off their new outfit. When the time comes to give their offering, they will be first in the line and cat walk all the way to the altar.
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