I never want to go through this again- Isaac Mwaura’s wife finally speaks after losing her babies
At one point she believed that she had failed as a mother.
Nominated Senator of Jubilee Party, Isaac Mwaura recently opened about the heartbreaking loss of his two of his new born triplets early this year during the campaigns.
Now, his wife Mukami Mwaura who had previously been silent about the matter has finally opened up about losing her babies in gut wrenching detail.
In her blog, she shares her experience from premature birth and a caesarian to her babies being rushed to the NICU.
“At 28 weeks pregnant the last thing I expected was to deliver my babies, so when I got strange cramp pains at around 9pm on Wednesday 18th January, labour was the last thing on my mind. I called my doctor who told me to head to the labour ward,this was not strange as I had been admitted to the labour ward several times before in the course of the pregnancy. So once we got to the labour ward they started giving me meds to hold or reverse the labour. By 3am that night I was in full blown labour, at around 7 am the doctor checked in and said we would be going into the delivery room for an emergency CS. The theatre was fully booked but they managed to get space; actually a friend of mine who later lost her baby in the delivery room allowed me to go in before her (I will share her story soon)
On 19th January 2017 at 10.10 baby arrived at 1.2 kg, a minute later Babyarrived weighing 1.12kg and a minute later beautiful made her majestic entrance at 1.02kg. Babies were rushed to the - a place I would call home for the next 3 months . And that began a difficult journey …a journey of tears, joy , Doubt, Hope, prayer, joy, questions, repentance but mostly experiencing God…”
To quote the great Bob Marley, you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. For Mukami, the sight of her tiny children wrapped in bags inside incubators is something she can never erase from memory. She walks us through the mental torture that she endured when she finally got see her babies for the first time. For her, it was a time of confusion, denial and pure disappointment.
3 months in hospital
She believed she had failed.
“Every time I look back at this night I feel so helpless and disappointed and I can’t help but break down in tears. I never want to go through this again. It was a feeling of shock, disbelief coupled by feelings of failure, failure as a mother. I had failed my children, my body had failed me, so many questions ran through my mind when I remember this night. We began with triplet number one ( who was at the furthest corner of the first room, then triplet 2 and 3 who were together on neighboring incubators. Small is an understatement, my babies were tiny, a bit wrinkled and covered in cotton wool wrapped in polythene bags to keep them extra warm. They were all intubated and on life support. I was sure this were not my children, they were white with a lot of black hair. They did not look like babies. I immediately felt like running away. Why was I here? These are not my children.
I asked my husband if he was sure they did not confuse them with somebody else’s children. These are not my children…. by now tears were flowing freely. One of the NICU nurses who was on duty that night came and held our hands to comfort us . She told us that the one single thing our babies needed was our strength. They needed to know that we believe they will be better .We asked her if they will be better .She told us that the doctors and nurses will do the best but God does the healing. My head was spinning at this point. These are not my babies, at some point I really wanted to wake up from this bad dream.”
A mother's pride
Still, she speaks with pride of the tiny people she saw fighting for dear life for the 11 weeks that she stayed in hospital.
She says,“ I looked around and I noticed for the first time other children in the room, some were small while others were bigger than my babies but they all seemed to be fighting… For the 11 weeks my babies stayed in the NICU, I watched the tiniest people fight harder than I have ever seen. They fought to breath and to live, it was a fight against death. Some won the fight while others lost the fight but we still celebrate them because in the short or long time they lived, they left a great impact in our lives.”
One thing is for sure, Mukami Mwaura is the embodiment of strength. She promises to reveal what happened at the Neonatal intensive care unit in her next blog post.
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