9 habits of most annoying Nairobians

They can be really annoying. I am one of them and some of my more unsavoury habits were laid out by a most fed up Nanyuki based bff.

Here the ten most unforgivable habits of annoying Nairobians.

Bargaining

As a Nairobian, it is your sovereign duty to ensure nobody can con you. Value for money is your motto. You live and breathe by it. And you will even go as far as bargaining with something already cheap.

Lying

Nairobians are expert liars. I suspect that it’s because of how the incessant traffic jams cause them to be late everywhere and since they had to get creative with their trip check-ins, they just transferred that “talent” to other aspects of life.

Stealing.

Did you ever hear of the joke about a machine that was created to catch thieves? When it went to the UK, it caught 20 thieves. When it went to the US, it caught 50. When it went to China, it caught 500. When it came to Nairobi, the machine was stolen.

Aggression

Nairobians are angry people. They are angry, impatient and entitled. They will risk somebody else’s life and limb just to grab a matatu. Courtesy is an exotic commodity in Nairobi.

Hooting

Nairobian motorists are the most important people in the city. Well, they think they are. And the bigger the car, the more frequent the disrespect. They hoot at pedestrians at zebra crossings. They hoot at pedestrians at junctions when they could have just used the turn signal. They hoot when they feel they just need more eyes on their “brand new” 1997 Toyota Nadia with KCB plates. Don’t ever loan such a person money, btw.

Know-it-alls

Nairobians know everything. And when they don’t know, they won’t believe that they don’t know.

How bad things only happen in Nairobi

When you don’t live in Nairobi, it’s like you can’t experience things the way a Nairobian would. If a theft happens, a Nairobian will try to top that with a theft they heard about on the radio.

How good things only happen in Nairobi

You’d be hard put to find a Kenyan more self-centred than a Nairobian. The best stuff only happens in Nairobi. Should a celebrity have a concert scheduled outside of Nairobi, social media will be flooded by befuddled Nairobians who wonder how the celebrity could pass up on all of Nairobi.

How they act all surprised when there’s Uber outside Nairobi

A friend of mine who lives in Kiambu had a South B friend over and the visit went past the wee hours. After the commuters have burrowed back into their hovels and matatus enjoy the snooze of the dead. So because the guest had to go back home, my friend suggested calling an Uber.

The guest, “Haiya, kwani kuna Uber Kiambu?”