Eating dirt, putting beads in ears and other strange things children still get up to

When we were young, we were- quite frankly- stupid. And the other day when watching the neighbours’ children play like the nosy porch monkey I am, I noticed so many similarities between this new crop of individuals and us.

One of the young boys had managed to get his head stuck between newel posts. I went through the exact same thing when I was seven. He was twelve, so I don’t know what his excuse was. When I shared the story with some of my peers, they told me they’d gotten stuck in various places which in hindsight should have been an obvious no-no.

So it got me thinking, what stupid stuff did we all do as kids?

Drawing on walls

I still don’t understand why we enjoyed it so much. But for some reason, as kids we just love to put marks on the walls, gibberish, imitating a teacher or helping mama with the interior décor (at your own peril).

Shoving things in ears and noses

Anyone who denies ever attempting to put a bead or a seed in their noses or ears is a liar. When you’re that age, if it’s a hole it’s meant to be stuffed.

Asking weird questions

“Mum, who is Jesus?”

“Dad, where do babies come from?”

“Teacher, what is circumcision?”

“Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum… why do babies grow in your stomach?”

Refusing to share

Were we inherently selfish? Were we naturally territorial? Were we just greedy? I will never know. But at that age when you’re told to hand over a toy to your younger sibling, it would literally break your heart.

Not knowing how TV works

When a show ends, you cried, threw a tantrum or forced your mum to “bring Tom and Jerry” back. In our household, the behaviour was curbed by one beating. With a slipper. And a belt. And a cable.

Playing with make up

So when I was young, I watched my aunt put on her makeup and think to myself, “I’ve got to know how to do that.”

And I would sneak into her dresser and try to apply the makeup myself. Ending up looking like I went through a botched face painting job.

My little cousin did the same with my makeup kit and her younger brother was seated next to her calmly shovelling Vaseline in his mouth. 90s kids also ate curl kits.

Heaping weird stuff in your mouth

As you grow into your now vertical legs and your little teeth finally appear, you find it necessary to eat anything you can get your hands on. The horror stories range from battery cells to cockroaches to ants to rocks to wood shavings.