Types of security guards you will encounter in Kenya

For the sake of security, most residential buildings have a security guard which most people refer to as a ‘watchman’. Just like other people, they come in all shapes and sizes. From the loud one to the bossy one, here are types of security guards you will encounter in Kenyan estates.

The gossip

They know everything that happens in the building. They know who cheated on their girlfriend, who has a sponsor, who is surviving on loans, and who came back home at 2 AM. They are like CCTV cameras, they hear and see everything. Sometimes you’ll find them with ‘mama wa ploti’ gossiping about other tenants. If you want to know any secrets, these are the people you should talk to well.

The beggar

Whenever you interact with them, they’ll always ask you to give them something small. They tend to exploit the tenants with cars, always asking for ‘pesa ya chai’ (tea money). If you give them money, they’ll wash your car from time to time, open the gate with so much kindness and even help you carry things to your house. But if you don’t, they will treat you so coldly, they will barely look at you or say hi. If you have old clothes, or anything that’s about to expire, they willl ask if you can give them.

The fisi

If he had money, he would probably be a ‘you guy, my guy’. He has some swag and a very sweet tongue. He always has his eye on different women, especially the house helps and ‘mama fua’ (laundry lady). He will try to impress them with his stories and even get them something nice, from time to time. The ‘fisi’ comes off as a good guy until three women find out that he has been playing them all along. Sometimes he will hit on ‘bibi ya mkubwa’, (Bosses wife) when the husband is not at home.

The sleeper

He never knows what’s going on because most times he is sleeping. He always looks tired and bored, as if someone forced him to come to work. He takes time to open the gate and everyone is always complaining about him but somehow, the management keeps him there. He sleeps during the day and night, making you wonder if he is really providing any type of security.

The greeter

These ones mostly come from Western. They love to greet people every single time and have endless talks with them. They will find anything to talk about from politics to the weather and the high cost of living. If you are not careful, you can spend a lot of time with them. When they are not talking to people, they are listening to Radio Jambo, especially Patanisho.

The strict one

This one adheres to all the policies given to him. He cannot allow you to enter the building or estate if you don’t look like you live there. You will have to call whoever you are visiting and write down your name and phone number. If you don’t have your identification Card (ID) then he won’t allow you in.

If you lose your gate keys, they will barely let you in. They will remind you that every tenant needs to have their own keys. If you come home late with your friends, they will also remind you to keep your voices down so you don’t wake other people up.

The preacher

He will always greet you with ‘Bwana asifiwe’ (Praise God). They are usually very calm, collected and down to earth. Most times, you will find them reading the bible or singing hymns. Whenever they get an opportunity, they will remind you that Jesus loves you and it’s important to do his will. They are very encouraging and optimistic.

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