We all do these things. We just don’t like it brought to our attention.
From nose picking to finger sniffing, things every adult does that they would never confess to
You know you do it, but you don't want others to know about it
And I am sure you have already thought of something which would drive you to homicide should somebody record your dirty little “secret” and say, posted it on the internet.
Here are eight things you do that you would never admit to.
You know you dig for gold especially when you think no one is watching or when you’re alone. You love to shove your finger up there, especially the one with the longest nail or without a nail at all.
Smelling your fingers
Every time your fingers venture into a place where you mother would smack the black off of you for touching, you always like trailing your finger to slowly tease your nose hairs and see how those nether regions actually smell. Be it your ear, the back of your ear, your belly button and yes, your butt crack.
Tasted your ear wax
Come on, we all did this as kids. But some of you still have an odd affinity for the bitter taste of wax. Even in your old age.
Farted in public and blamed it on somebody else
This happens on streets and in enclosed spaces. Adults will fart something that smells like what a dog would poop after eating a human's poo and they would say the baby did it. In a lift, you will fart then look at the person next to you with such vehement indignation until they begin to wonder if it really could have been them.
The worst is when somebody farts on the street ahead of you and you have no idea how to explain to the people walking behind you that it wasn't you.
Be it bae or a friend or a boss, you have cyber stalked people you know or want to know. But it’s ok, you’re just curious. You obsessively examine the Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat or even MySpace timelines of that ex-boss who still refuses to pay you no matter how much you remind them that you deserve your money…
Wish you didn’t care
If you’re highly empathetic, then in most times when senseless tragedies strike, it reminds you of how powerless and helpless you are. Your miniature donations to relief funds and feeling bad for street urchins and your daily prayers don’t seem to do much in the grand scheme of things. When you hear about one more explosion or one more unjustified killing it tears your heart to pieces and for those few moments you just wish you didn’t care so much.
Thinking about mortality
They say that the only guarantees in life are death and taxes. And while everybody worries about the taxman every end month, thoughts about mortality plague you when you least expect it. When you read about a suicide, when you have a near miss with a matatus, it just suddenly- and often- occurs to you that one day, you’ll be a slab of meat lying in a morgue. You only hope it doesn’t happen any time soon.
Rubbing your tummy
This may not be in secret but most people enjoy it more when they are alone and with no chance of being stumbled upon. There’s something additionally satisfactory about rubbing your belly after filling it up with food that your doctor would frown upon.
Thinking about stealing
Everybody has thought about stealing at least once in their lives. Be it socks in high school or trying to cheat the scanners at supermarket exits, y’all have thought about it.
Other things that you have definitely done are:
Thought about how to dump someone by proxy.
Thought about how to leave a family or harambee WhatsApp group without members knowing.
Envisioning a very violent and brutal event to somebody who recently angered you.
Wanting to fire a gun. You know, just to see how it feels.
Wondering how sex with yourself feels.
Peeing in the bathroom.
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