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Joe Chuma's promise to Kenyans

‘Kenya has all it needs to become a first world country: my charming looks.'

After a brief meeting with very important people earlier on today, Joe Chuma finally revealed his Manifesto. #JCforprezzo

He is one of the candidates vying for the presidential seat. But while he doesn't have a large party to back his political cause, Joe Chuma has a much stronger weapon.



Taking nothing but the best (ditch your girl if she’s not on his hit list) Joe Chuma has converged a bevy of beaus to march the streets of Nairobi alongside his awesome self to create awareness, that the answer to all the country’s problems is finally here. Sharing with the media, Joe Chuma says that ‘Kenya has all it needs to become a first world country: my charming looks.’

With his gorgeous eyes set on winning the presidential seat, Joe Chuma believes that he can change the nation with his carefully thought out plans for the country.

1. Water

Understanding the high levels of thirst in the country, Joe Chuma will avail himself to the people so that they can drink in his handsomeness.

2. Security


While he prefers peace to war, Joe Chuma who is said to have taught Jet Li the secrets of Martial arts,  promises to protect one and all with his strong and mighty fists. Word has it that the last time he went into battle the other army made a queue for autographs instead of fighting.

3. Housing development

In light of his spread love not war slogan, Joe Chuma is also spearheading the creation of free quickie rooms within the cities so that couples can make out and make up instead of fighting in front of everyone.

4.  Unemployment


With his undisputed intelligence and workmanship, Joe Chuma built Rome in one day.  If elected president, everyday will be a holiday. The only work that will be allowed is working out in the gym, after all, mwanaume ni effort.

5. Women

He is the shield that guides the realm of women.  As they make up slightly more than half of the population of the country, Chuma promises that during his time in presidency, all single women will be registered under a national system that will match them up with the hottest guys in the country… that is, if he doesn’t date them himself. He’s put Solomon to shame with a stunning three thousand wives.

6. Devolution

His powerful government will be divided into three; Joe, Chuma and himself. He promises to hold a live party on social media for every county in his honor as he believes that everyone is entitled to Joe Chuma’s opinion.


7. Roads and infrastructure

Not only will he initiate the development of marbled tiled roads, all roads developed during Joe Chuma’s tenement will lead to him.

In his press briefing, Joe Chuma declared his allegiance to the country with a deeply thought and clearly stated vow that moved millions to tears. He said, “Hear my words and bear witness to my vow; election gathers and now my run begins. It shall not end as I cannot die. I shall take no wives, I will hold many women and father no children. I shall wear one crown and win morning glories. I shall live forever at my post. I am the pole in the darkness. I am the watcher of asses. I am the shield that guards the realm of women. I pledge my life and honor to the Bedroom’s Watch, for this night and all the nights to come.”

With this powerful dream and the undisputed loyalty of all the women of Kenya, Joe Chuma will lead the nation to a climax of success and fulfillment.

He is a philanthropist, a humanitarian, diplomat and an advocate for all things women. He likes to think inside their boxes and keep in touch with their needs.


Vote for Joe Chuma, the man of steel.

Want to know more about this impossibly sexy politician? Visit #JCforPrezzo and vote for this super hot candidate! And follow Joe Chuma on his journey on Facebook.


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