And we should be obsessed with it: A positive outlook has been linked to a longer life, better health, and, it goes without saying, greater well-being. At the end of the 17th century, McMahon explains, people started to say, Look, we dont have to suffer a long, menial existence. This thinking secured us the right to pursue happiness (in ink!) in the Declaration of Independence. Except lately weve been coming at the whole happiness thing from the wrong angle. Getting it rightowning your well-deserved piece of it and actually being a happier personmeans understanding why were a nation of malcontents.
Why Were Not Happy
1) The stuff we think makes us happy doesnt make us happy.
Americas happiness-industrial complex is in a large way serving up the wrong thing. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up changes most peoples lives only until things start piling up again. The $4,000 watch feels so good to put on the first few times, until the $5,000 one comes out. The meal at the new Michelin-starred place wont pump you up permanently. Even money only makes people happier up to the point at which their basic needs are met.
Pleasurable experiences, seductive as they may be, are the least consequential elements of our well-being. Fleeting amusement never adds up to genuine, sustained happiness no matter how many moments of it you try to string together.
2) We have a skewed definition of happiness.
For some of us, happiness has nothing to do with smiling. Someone whos really serene and tranquil can be just as happy as someone whos joyful and jumping up and down, says Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., a psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside, and the author of The How of Happiness. People differ in what they prefer.
3) We dont understand our happiness range.
Researchers in the field of positive psychology originally thought that people had a happiness set point: Naturally grumpy or naturally ebullient was just how you were born. The newer idea is a soft set-point idea: some genetic influence, but also movable, says Ed Diener, Ph.D., a professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Illinois, whos known in the field as Dr. Happiness.
Not only dont you have to stay in one spot, but everyone has their own happiness range. University of Pennsylvania psychologist Martin Seligman, Ph.D., is widely credited with fathering the positive-psychology movement for his bold conclusion, popularized in his 2002 book, Authentic Happiness, that happiness can be learned, no matter what your set point is. If happiness were measured on a scale from zero to 100, some people would vary from 40 to 50, others from 65 to 75. So anyone, at any time, can live in the upper reaches of their own happiness range. When you do, youll still feel fulfilled and happy even if youre not necessarily manifesting your happiness like the next guy.
How to Make Yourself Happier
1) Look for satisfaction.
Its not just positive feelings we want, Seligman wrote in Authentic Happiness. We want to be entitled to our positive feelings. In other words, you want your happiness to feel earnedthrough your achievements and other things youve put serious effort into. Happiness tends to come from the often-hard-to-attain state of feeling satisfied with how your life is going, that youre progressing along toward your life goals at a pace thats satisfying to you, Lyubomirsky says. And that usually happens when you feel as though your life has purpose and youre involved with other people.
2) Log your happiest moments.
Lyubomirsky has discovered a way to help people learn what happiness is for them. She does an experiment in her classes: Each student gets a text nudge four times a day to notice and jot down how happy and satisfied they are and what theyre doing. After a week, they look back and see what produced the most satisfying feelings, remembering that happiness doesnt always come from the same things that smiling does.
3) Do whats meaningful to you.
It sounds obvious, but Lyubomirsky suggests adopting the habits of people at the upper end of their happiness range. Its the stuff you hear about again and again: spending time with those who are important to you, writing down a few things youre grateful for, showing kindness. The science behind these steps, as corny as they may seem, indicates that they really can raise your sense of well-being. Seligman describes it as a positive feeling that arises from exercising your strengths as opposed to indulging in shortcuts like shopping, drugs, and TV.