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Ladies, 5 things you should never ignore before getting into a relationship

If you haven’t had your share of character development, then, this city has been kind to you.

Black couple [Photo by Kadarius Seegars]

But despite the hurt of a broken relationship, we can’t point fingers at others without blaming ourselves too. Sometimes, we tend to focus on the wrong things.

We confuse attraction, care, and kindness for love, while there’s more to someone than meets the eyes.

If you have the strength to kuoga na kurudi soko, here are some of the things you should consider before getting into a relationship

Values alignment


Look at someone’s character. Who are they as a person? What do they stand for? Are they kind and intentional? Are they caring and selfless or do they shamelessly act without consideration? Are they honest and trustworthy? Are they compassionate and treat other people with respect? What is their view on relationships, family, money, and infidelity? Observe the little things.

At the end of the day, you can always trust character over chemistry. Period.


Have you ever met someone and you really, really like them but there’s a disconnect somewhere? You want a family but they don’t. Kids have never been in their picture. You want commitment, but they are not ready to settle down?

If you find yourself in this situation, find the nearest exit door. Don’t get into a relationship assuming they are going to change their mind because of you. Accept their truth and find someone who wants the same things as you. Someone you resonate and align with.


There are plenty of people willing to meet you where you are.

Chosen lifestyle

There needs to be a balance. A balance between the time you spend by yourself, with your partner, and your friends. Just like anything else, a relationship needs time, energy, and effort for it to succeed. It’s like a fire that needs to be stoked, lest it dies.

A partner’s lifestyle can either bring you peace, calm, and happiness or chaos and sorrow. Don’t ignore their habits assuming they’ll change. If you met them like that, you’ll still leave them like that.

Emotional maturity


You need to be with someone who is self-aware.

They will express themselves accurately, maintain healthy boundaries, acknowledge your feelings and emotions, and take responsibility for their actions.

But if you get together with someone who is constantly running away from themselves or any other situation, you are done. Partners who project their trauma, fears, and insecurities onto others are a pain in the neck.

Instead of all the work and drama, find someone who is on the same emotional wavelength as you, so you don’t always have to translate yourself to them.



For some reason, there are always people who will never initiate a conversation. They are always waiting for that text or call. It’s like you want them and they don’t want you.

And these are the same people you’ll call after two days and they’ll say they were even thinking of calling you at that moment. People prioritize the people they love and care about.

Go into spaces that cherish you. Places that make you feel wanted and needed and you never have to remind them how they need to treat you.

Remember, you can experience all the above and things may still go south. Just like everything else, sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.


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