Relationship Talk With Bukky: 3 years in, my boyfriend says he's not sure he wants to marry me

Right now I am confused. I don't know if I should just move on or probably wait for him.

My boyfriend of 3 years says he's not sure he wants to marry me [Credit: Binhu]

Dear Bukky,

I have been in a relationship for 3 years and some months now. We started in a very good way and we knew we were headed for marriage.

Just of lately we had a discussion and my boyfriend said he has tried on two occasions to propose to me but he just keeps holding back and he has no reason for that.

He says he is not just ready for the marriage thing. Right now I am confused. I don't know if I should just move on or probably wait for him. He said I should give him till December then he will decide on the relationship.

Please I need your advice.


I think that three years is quite the time to spend in a relationship. You don’t want to throw it all away on a whim so it is important to give proper thought to it before making your next move.

In my opinion, I’d say sit him down now and have a conversation with him on what he really wants to do, what’s going through his mind.

If you both had the mind three years ago that this was going to be a marriage-intended relationship, you want to be sure that he is still on that page with you. So talk about it. It’s been three years, this is not the time to be thinking about whether he wants to marry you or not. That should be a closed case. It is should no longer be a matter of ‘if.’ It should be about when.

So that’s the truth you should be after. If it turns out that he is sure he wants to be with you for the long haul an he confirms and reassures you of that, then be patient with him. You both are on the same page and you'll get to your happy ending in good time.

On the other hand, if he says he is still doubtful or shows uncertainties, don’t dismiss those clues. Give him one month or two to make up his mind about what he wants and be mentally prepared to move on from the situation if it’s clear that it’s going to lead somewhere favourable for you.

Most importantly, don’t jump to conclusions.


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