So the other day we couldn’t come to an agreement with my colleagues on who should do the household chores when the boyfriend or husband stays at home and the lady goes to work. Most of them still believe that household chores should be done by the woman.

A woman goes to work in the morning, leaves the man in the house only to come home tired in the evening to find a load of dishes to be done and she is still expected to cook. We thought it best to get the opinion of a relationship coach on what should happen in such a situation and we spoke to Grace Kariuki.

Man cooking
Man cooking

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Whose duty is it to do the household chores?

The first thing that Grace tells us is that “When a man loses his job and his wife is the breadwinner, the traditional roles need to be redefined for the sake of keeping the balance in the relationship.”

Although this expert admits that men who lose their jobs go through a difficult grieving moment, she insists that a healthy couple should have a sit down to discuss the way forward.

Couple talking(Purposely Awakened)
Couple talking(Purposely Awakened)

“It is prudent for the couple to discuss realities like while husband is jobless, the wife is carrying a full load of paying the bills. Should then the husband help around with the roles of running the house like cooking and cleaning? I would recommend for a couple in this situation to sit down and talk about their reality and how they can shift responsibilities until things change. It would be unfair to expect the wife to work all day and then come home to get supper ready while the husband is sitting waiting. It creates resentment on the part of the wife,” the expert adds.

It makes sense to ease the woman some burden

She goes on to advise that it would only make more sense for the man to show support to the wife by offering to help around the house when the woman is away at work. This keeps the relationship functioning and also deepens the intimacy of their relationship.

Happy couple cooking together
Happy couple cooking together

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“Men in such a situation can be proactive to take up some parenting and house management roles that usually is done by the woman in a bid to ease the wife's burden. Even if he doesn't really know how to cook, he could ask if he can do any preparations for her. The wife would feel appreciated and assisted.” Recommends Grace Kariuki.

Grace also insists that the woman should also be at the forefront to support the husband through the difficult moment until he can at least secure a job.