Either expressly stated or just simply presumed, women set a demand for men who would be forthright from the very beginning.
You hear them say stuff like ‘even if it’s just sex he wants from me, I’d appreciate it if he says it from the onset.’
But the question is this: are women really ready for this level of honesty? Will you truly be cool with a guy meeting you from the very beginning and showing nothing but a desire in your body and the pleasures to be derived from that carnal attraction?
Sarah, 26, says she prefers this truth as it helps her decide if she really wants to be with the guy like that or not.
“I think I’ll appreciate the honesty,” she says. “I think I’ll prefer to know what I’m getting into instead of being led on with promises of romantic emotions when there’s actually nothing but a desire to sleep with me.”
Asking three other young women between 25-28 produced the same result. These young, upward-mobile professional women all believe that knowing what’s happening from the onset is actually the best as it affords them the opportunity to say yes to whatever the guy is proposing instead of being left in the dark as to his true intentions.
But this perspective can’t be taken as conclusive evidence of women being cool with 100% openness from men, especially when it comes to an expression of intent for sex without commitment.
Despite the constant call by women for honest men who will say what they want from the very onset, you’ll still find women who can’t handle that truth, especially the sexual type. There are women who feel disrespected when a guy expresses a clear sexual interest from the get-go.
That a guy would look at them and be filled with lust instead of a romantic interest is something that some women see as an insult on their womanhood.
“This happens because women around here are taught that sex is something they give, not necessarily something they enjoy. The way sex is spoken of in these parts will make you believe that it is something a woman gives in return for a man’s affection, care and financial support,” says Zoey, 29.
So to get sex from many of such women, all you need do is profess an emotional connection, fake a romantic interest and show affection even if you do not feel any of such things. Your chances of getting that sex jumps by some 40% if not more.
“Women think guys don’t know this code but of course we do. So if you are really sexually attracted to a girl and she’s forming I don’t have random sex and all, just work up some romantic act and you’ll be there in her panties in no time. It always works,” says a young Lagos bachelor who asked to be anonymous for this piece.
This, in a way, explains why many women have experienced guys entering ghost mode immediately after dipping into the cookie jar. He says all you need to hear, makes you comfortable enough to roll in the hay with him, and boom! Off he goes without a trace when he has his fill of your body. Of course, this is a f---boy move.
Until more women realise that it is not inherently offensive for men to express their desire for just sex, we may continue to have this problem. If he [sensibly, like a normal human being] says he wants just sex and nothing else with you, just say you are not interested and keep it moving. No need to feel disrespected. It’s not [always] that deep.
Ladies, if you don’t want to have sex with a guy don’t tell him it’s because you’re not in a relationship with him. If you do this, you give him a cheat code and he’ll explore it to your detriment. Tell him that your refusal is because you are not interested at all, regardless of the relationship status.
Also men need to learn to leave women be, who have expressed disinterest in casual sex. There are more than enough women who would be willing to do your bidding; women to whom that honesty will be such a turn on that they'd have no qualms giving you what you want.
In any case, what's most important in all of this is the continuous need for men and women to relate with more openness and honesty. If there's more of this and less of dubiousness and emotional fraud, relationships, all variants of it, will be less stressful than we have it now.