Bukky Sanni

Why is it that some people are sweet at first, they always have time for you, serious at first but change up after you fall in love with them so much?

Does it mean that all the romantic moments would happen at first but never last?____________

I think you are in a place now where many people have once been and can absolutely relate with.

Falling in love and being in a relationship are two different things. Linked, but definitely different.

Falling in love is easy, random and unpremeditated. Being in a relationship requires a lot more than that. It is a continuous conscious effort that one needs to stay committed to giving, especially when it is uneasy.

Love isn’t always dreamy and rosy and perfumed. It is gritty as well; requires you digging in your feet and fighting to maintain your promise to the best of your ability.

This part often comes later on. The beginning comes with a heady, giddy happiness. And that deceives people into thinking that that’s how it’ll be forever. But sadly it never does.

What everyone needs to realise is that sometimes you won’t feel in love. And married people have attested to this. But feelings no longer matter after the beginning. It is the decision that counts.

In those instances, learning to not nag or throw tantrums is best. And for the partner going through the phase, pushing themselves as much as possible to stay emotionally connected will go a long way.

Romance can and does last forever. But it gets to some point where it is effort that’ll push it through, no longer feelings.

Do you want to talk about your love life, marriage or family issues?

Do you have burning questions that you would love to get answers to?

Just send a mail to&nbsp;<a href="" id="f929edbb-dbbf-45ce-a526-4ce00df85103">relationships@pulse.ng</a>&nbsp;and I'll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.

Note; the chances of getting a quick response reduces if the text in your email has a lot of abbreviations. So, please write as properly as possible.

So, why not send that mail today and let's talk about it?

A problem shared is a problem half-solved!

Does it mean that all the romantic moments would happen at first but never last?

Why does a man's love for you reduce after some time?

I’m writing this on behalf of a dear friend who is devastated and she really needs someone to talk to.

She had her one and only abortion at the age of 16 because she was naive and not prepared for it. Fast forward to present day, 12 years after, she's so in a very serious relationship which will definitely lead to marriage and her fiancé has asked her before if she has ever had an abortion before and she denied it jokingly.

But he asked on another occasion, and she was scared to talk but the guy sensed she had something to say about the subject but he didn't press further.

Now the question is - should she tell him the truth and stand the risk of losing the relationship or should she just keep quiet and let the guy find out himself?

Though ever since she has the abortion about 12 years ago, she never went to the hospital to check for anything because a month after she had the abortion, she started seeing her period again and she never had complications too even till date.

She's scared that maybe something isn't just right about her body since this issue is coming up at this time.

Thanks; I’m looking forward to your advice.

I think your friend needs to tell her boyfriend the truth. Yes, it would be difficult, scary and would be a huge risk to take but it is the right thing to do.

If the relationship is going to lead to marriage as you say, then they want to go into it with all relevant details fully disclosed.

And while I believe that <a href="http://www.pulse.ng/lifestyle/relationships-weddings/7-things-your-partner-does-not-need-to-know-about-you-id8168125.html" id="99389f47-d328-4146-975f-08523b30edbf">you are not meant to tell your partner everything</a> about your past, sensitive and significant information as this, which could be later discovered in the relationship to devastating effects, is not one to be kept from one’s partner.

Your friend has to tell her fiance. It’s the only sensible way.

However I’ll advise that before she tells him, she should probably go to the hospital to see if every reproductive organ is intact and to get medical confirmation that she’s OK to conceive and give birth to babies. Because, let’s face it, that’s all this boils down to – the boyfriend’s need to be sure that nothing will interfere with childbirth in the marriage.

It’s tough, I understand, but one of the things about being an adult is living with, and taking full responsibility for all the choices we have made, good or not-so-good.

She has to tell him the truth about this part of her past.

Just send a mail to&nbsp;<a href="" id="d65e8c92-62d4-4aea-b99c-d21bc2ffc71c">relationships@pulse.ng</a>&nbsp;and I'll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.

Do not guiltrip yourself to taking your ex back [Credit: CreativeKenya]

I'm confused; should I tell him the truth and stand the risk of losing my marriage-intended relationship?

Relationship Talk With Bukky: Do I really have to tell my boyfriend that I've once been pregnant?

<h1>On this particular day, I decided to pay him a visit since he has been wanting me to, when I got there he gave me his laptop to watch a movie because he wanted to get something for me nearby. The movie wasn't interesting to me so I decided to check out the pictures.</h1>

Then I stumbled on a studio picture of him and a lady. I asked him to be honest and plain. He said he has a girlfriend but he's not serious with her and begged me to give him time that he loves me and not that he wants to use and dump me.

I was already falling for to this guy but guys of nowadays can be so cunning. I'm really heartbroken and I don’t know what to do.

My honest advice is for you to not proceed with that relationship. Anything that starts on such deceptive note is bound to be filled with problems later in the future.

If you did not stumble on that image, do you think he would have come correct with you about having a relationship? My guess is as good as yours.

I think you should consider yourself lucky enough to have discovered this truth so early into the situation. Imagine getting in waist-deep before realizing that there is another woman, by which time you can’t pull out as easily as you can now.

So think of it in that light. There is still some positivity in all of this, and that is that you got to know about this other woman quite early. There isn’t a lot of emotions yet, not a lot of activities have been invested in it too, and that should make it easy for you to back out now that you still can.

Yeah, I think that’s the wise thing to do. Back out of the situation and never go back. If he set lies as the foundation of the relationship, then nothing should make you want to continue being with him now that you have found out the truth.

Just send a mail containing your question and location to&nbsp;<a href="mailto:relationships@pulse.ng">relationships@pulse.ng</a>, and I'll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.

So, why not send that mail today and let's talk about it?

One other important aspect is the decision of whether to tell, or not to tell your significant other about the struggle. [Credit Black Excellence]

How to react when you discover your partner has been cheating on you [Credit Black Excellence]

I met this guy early this year... I just left a toxic relationship when we met and I didn't want to give any guy a chance till I feel I'm ready but he proved to be real. He did everything I've always wanted from my ex. I was softened and I decided to give him a chance.

Relationship With Bukky: He has a girlfriend but won't stop chasing me; now I'm falling and so confused

For some seven years now that I have been married, I have been dealing with cheating issues, emotional torture, stinginess, lack of good sex ( he lasts only five minutes) etc.

We have two kids together. It was a love marriage but our marriage was only a year plus when he developed schizophrenia.

As a matter of fact, I have been enduring till now, but I’m tired.

I have cheated on him too because I couldn’t manage anymore and now I have no feelings for him whatsoever.

I want to seek for divorce and have the custody of the kids.

I actually commend you for deciding to leave, seeing that the marriage no longer holds any sort of happiness for you.

I understand how difficult it must be but I also think it’s admirable to see the courage it took you to decide on this.

Staying in a bad marriage that <a href="http://www.pulse.ng/lifestyle/relationships-weddings/6-relatable-reasons-why-people-remain-in-bad-marriages-id6344941.html" id="192b8ccd-bb6f-426a-ba94-e0abebf998dc">no longer holds any happiness</a> isn’t too good, <a href="http://www.pulse.ng/lifestyle/relationships-weddings/does-it-make-sense-to-remain-in-a-bad-marriage-for-the-kids-id6573632.html" id="c0614943-4d17-467f-97af-85b54a8fece2">not even for the kids</a>. If that's what your marriage has come to and you feel this is the best thing for you, then please go ahead with it.

Having said that, there’s only one thing to do – enlist the services of a lawyer. A credible one who comes with referrals of having experience with getting favourable judgement for women at divorce proceedings.

Good luck and I hope you rediscover happiness.

Just send a mail to relationships@pulse.ng and I'll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.

Why, exactly, do women cheat? [Credit: Odyssey]

For seven years, this woman has been dealing with emotional torture, lack of effort and terrible sex. Now she wants out -  alongside her babies.

I want to leave my husband of 7 years and take the kids with me

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Pulse Kenya is the most followed news and entertainment platform in Kenya. It informs and engages young Kenyans around the clock and provides updates by the hour.

Bukky Sanni

Articles written by the author

Why does a man's love for you reduce after some time?

Relationship Talk With Bukky: Do I really have to tell my boyfriend that I've once been pregnant?

Relationship With Bukky: He has a girlfriend but won't stop chasing me; now I'm falling and so confused

I want to leave my husband of 7 years and take the kids with me