The Editors of MH

Are You Hitched? In 2019 , the average age at first marriage in the U.S. was around 30 for men and 28 for women. In 1960, it was closer to 23 and 20, respectively. .

Do You Feel Horny Every Day? The horniness divide: 58% of men in their 20s feel horny every day, compared with 17% of women in the same age group. .

Are You Satisfied With Your Sex Life? On a scale from 1 to 5, how people in their 20s versus those 50 or over rate their overall satisfaction. (Hey, at least were all more satisfied than not!) .

How Many Sexual Partners Have You Had? The most common answer among all respondents put together. ( Second place: 3 to 6. ) .

Only One or Two Partners? That seemed low, especially given that some people tend to inflate their number, research shows. We wondered if anyone had downplayed their own sexcapades, even though the survey was anonymous. So we checked in with Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author of Tell Me What You Want, who offered up this explanation: The options that are available to us for sexually interacting with others are evolving, he says. For example, as sexual norms have loosened, participation in activities like oral and anal sex has increased. The bigger question is really what counts as sex or as having had a sexual partner. Different people may define these things in very different ways. Dominic McKenzie

How Often Do Your Orgasm During Sex? Congrats, 40-something men: 68% of you orgasm every time you have sex more than any other demographic. .

How Important Is It to Know Your Partners Astrological Sign? he percentage of people in their 30s who agreed it says a lot about character and compatibility. 10% of 20-somethings, 12% of 40-somethings, and 7% of people 50 or over felt the same. .

Who's Actually Had a Threesome? 53% of people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or pansexual have had a three-way, compared with 18% of straight-identifying people. .

How Would You Feel About a Threesome in The Future? 31% of 30-somethings said theyd be open to it, should the opportunity arise. .

Your Partner Wants to Film You Two Having Sex. Are You Down? Men and women feel differently about doing it on camera: 32% of men said theyd be into it, compared with 18% of women. .

How Experimental Is Your Sex Life? Twenty-somethings are a whole lot more experimental than their parents generation. Only 24% of them said theyre vanilla, compared with 46% of people 50 or over. .

Men: Any Sex Toys? For men, 40 to 49 is the peak decade for penis rings. (20% of guys in their 40s own them.) Guys in their 40s are also the most likely to own a prostate massager (9%), and guys in their 50s are the most likely to own a butt plug (11%). .

Do You Identify as Straight? 29% of straight-identifying 30-somethings said theyve been attracted to people of their own gender, and 10% have experimented sexually with them at least once. Depends who you ask. Whereas 21% of straight-identifying 20-somethings said they wouldnt rule out a same-sex attraction, only 9% of their 50-something counterparts said the same. Lehmiller says it isnt that more young people are bi-curious: As stigma declines, it becomes safer to acknowledge attractions that, in another time and place, might have been considered deviant, he explains. So its not necessarily the case that peoples attractions themselves have changed, just that theyre more willing to openly discuss them. .

What Does It Mean to Be Straight? Depends who you ask. Whereas 21% of straight-identifying 20-somethings said they wouldnt rule out a same-sex attraction, only 9% of their 50-something counterparts said the same. Lehmiller says it isnt that more young people are bi-curious: As stigma declines, it becomes safer to acknowledge attractions that, in another time and place, might have been considered deviant, he explains. So its not necessarily the case that peoples attractions themselves have changed, just that theyre more willing to openly discuss them. Dominic McKenzie

How Often Do You Watch Porn? 15% of women in their 30s watch porn two to three times a week, compared with 33% of men in the same age group. .

Do You Do Butt Stuff at Least Once a Week? 7% of all people engage in anal sex (or other forms of butt play) at least once a week. .

What Makes You Insecure? Folks of all ages said their body is their biggest insecurity in the bedroommore so than sexual desires, ability to perform, or ability to orgasm. .

Are You Using Protection? Only 31.48% of people in their 20s use some form of protection (condoms, PrEP, dental dam, etc.) every time they have sex. .

Have You Had Any STIs? The percentage of people across all age groups who said theyve had a sexually transmitted infection . .

How Satisfied Are You With the Sex-Ed You Received? People aged 30 to 39 are the most satisfied with their sex-ed experience, giving it an average rating of 2.43 out of 5. (Yeah, still not great.) Folks over 50 are the least satisfied, giving an average rating of just 9 out of 5. The average score for how well people said their sex ed prepared them for sex in the real world? 2.18. Dominic McKenzie

Do You Ask for Affirmative Consent? Of all the age groups, people under 30 are the most likely to ask for it every time they have sex. People 50 or over are the least familiar with affirmative consent; 13% hadnt heard of it before taking our survey. .

Need a Refresher? See Below! For all you folks who havent heard of affirmative consent (looking at you, 50+ peeps): Its when a person actively and voluntarily communicates yes to a sexual act. You always need to obtain it (to the 33% of people who ask for it every time: great job!)even if your partner has said yes to the same thing previously. If asking for consent feels painfully unsexy, Gigi Engle, certified sex coach, sex educator, and author of All the F*cking Mistakes, suggests the following script:You: Would you like to fool around?Them: Yes.You: What do you like? I would love to kiss you on your x. Is that okay?Them: Yes.You: Is it okay if I take your shirt off? Your pants?Them: Yes. Dominic McKenzie

How Comfortable Are You Voicing Your Needs During Sex? About a quarter of people 50 or over said they want to be open about their needs during sex but they really struggle. 11% said theyd never speak their desires to anyone at all. .

How Takes The Lead During Sex? Our 70-somethings are all about equality: 46% said they share leadership duties with their partner, more than any other age bracket. .

How Interested in an Open Relationship Are You? Nearly 70% of all respondents said theyre not into it although 7% of people in their 20s said theyre in one right now. .

THE BUMBLE DISPATCH Its hard out there for an online dater. Bumble polled more than 8,000 users to find out exactly whats on peoples minds when they swipe and eventually meet IRL. Dominic McKenzie

Before the Date Here's what people consider a deal breaker if they see it on someones Bumble profile. .

During the Date See where Bumble users typically go on a first date. .

After the Date Here's how long people normally date a Bumble match before having the Defining the Relationship talk. .

The Men's Health 2020 Sex in America Survey

CrossFit and Strongman regulars will already be familiar with the burn *and benefits* that distinguish the grippy cannon-shaped device from other kinds of weights. For those less familiar, kettlebells target multiple muscle groups at once, which not only builds strength, but also improves balance, flexibility and coordination. A 2013 study by the <a href="https://www.acefitness.org/certifiednewsarticle/3172/ace-sponsored-research-study-kettlebells-kick-butt/" id="d370e81e-da8b-3aa6-a830-c00ed2f0bbeb"> American Council on Exercise </a> also found that, depending on how hard youre working, its possible to burn 20 calories in a minute with a kettlebell.

<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Mens-Health-Kettlehell-Kettlebell-Workouts/dp/1950099121" id="9de17a88-2d73-3c41-aa58-5efd1777ba35"> Kettlehell </a> comes with five full-body workouts as well as a workout planner thatll help you stay organized and motivated for conquering your strength-building goals. With routines that can be completed in 20 minutes, this is an especially smart option for those looking for a great workout that doesnt drag on.

Although Kettlehell normally retails for $29, you can currently shave a few dollars off the asking price. But don't put this off! <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Mens-Health-Kettlehell-Kettlebell-Workouts/dp/1950099121" id="9de17a88-2d73-3c41-aa58-5efd1777ba35"> Kettlehell </a> is an Amazon lightning deal, so it's on sale today only, from 9:55AM to 3:55PM EST. If you're ready to get back on track with your strength building goals, now's the best time to order yours.

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Chances are if you clicked on this article, you still havent found your grove in <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/fitness/a31439789/best-home-workout-guide/" id="ca0ca4d7-d142-32f4-a6f2-28f4aab3f8eb"> working out at home </a> . Which, fair. Summoning determination right now is a challenge in itself. But if you own a kettlebell, youre in luck, because we teamed up with expert OMNIT coach <a href="https://www.instagram.com/primal.swoledier/?hl=en" id="0aa2e5e7-6d15-3699-a10a-c94d142c855a"> ...

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They were in a back room in the San Bernardino Valley building and found an unconscious man. No time to waste. Starling and his partner grabbed the man and started the 100-foot trek out of the burning building, a tag-team farmers carry with a purpose. Four years later, the experience is an example of something Starling, 37, knows well: When youre in the business of saving lives, muscle matters. Its our duty to stay in shape all the way through our career, he says. At the end of the day, this is your responsibility, your job, your calling.

Everyone at San Bernardino Fire Station 221, in southern California, seems to understand that. The station is leading a new wave at firehouses around the country, lifesaving units that crush five-alarm fires and afternoon WODs. More and more, when crews arent on a run( firefighter-speak for their calls), theyre running around the firehouse, sandbags on their shoulders, prepping their bodies for whatever fiery hell might come next.

Station 221 itself is a hub of tactical strength and conditioning. Beyond the bay that houses its two fire engines and one tiller truck is a 25-by-25-foot functional-fitness area. It was a closet until it was redesigned last year. Now it contains bumper plates, kettlebells, Concept2 rowers, Assault AirBikes, and a Rogue-inspired rack complete with pullup bars of different heights. Theres another section that includes a Smith machineStarling calls this the globo-gym, a CrossFit reference to chain gyms.

Starling, a career firefighter, helped bring fitness to Station 221and to his other job as a SWAT medicabout six years ago. Hed been around gyms for much of his life, typically doing bodybuilder-style workouts. But in January 2013, on a whim, he wandered into a CrossFit box. He was instantly hooked.I had always done some kind of circuit training, he says, but now it had some reason behind it. Now you have a competition, and thats what draws me in.

Station 221, like many firehouses, was primed for a strong dose of fitness. On any given call, firefighters push, pull, twist, lift, throw, and hingeall things you might do in a smart sweat sesh. As Starling built his own strength, emerging as a four-time Regionals participant and finishing seventh in his age category at the 2018 U. S.CrossFit Open, he realized his training aided him in his roles in the fire department and law enforcement.

Fitness is a growing trend among first responders, and firefighters regularly tailor their routines to their job. Starlings workouts (were calling them tactical CrossFit), for example, emphasize pushing exercises like shoulder presses, since firefighters need extra strength to push open doors and break through walls. He makes use of sandbags as well, challenging his mates to bear unpredictable loads, like the 190-pound man he helped drag from that building. At other firehouses, firefighters haul weights and sandbags, both over the shoulder and while backpedaling, mimicking how they carry a hose into a blaze (which is more taxing than you might think).

Starling also programs vicious cardio-style workouts on the Assault AirBike. (Think 30 seconds on, 30 seconds off, until you reach 200 calories.) Cardio and endurance, he says, are key for firefighters. During long, extended incidents, your cardio and endurance take over, he says. Your heart rate spikes, and then it stops, then you do it again.

He recalls a recent eight-hour SWAT team call that ended with the team deploying tear gas to force suspects out of hiding. The SWAT team had to use masks, which make breathing a chore. Starling was right at home in this oxygen-deprived environment. Youre training your body for your job, he says.

First Responder Fitness Prep Is Paying Off

Firefighters injury-proof their bodies, too. A recent study in the journal Injury Prevention found that probationary firefighters and recruits led fewer injury claims as a result of basic fitness intervention, saving one department $33,000 in claims costs. The stronger they are, the harder they are to break, says John Hofman, C.S.C.S.*D, director of tactical strength and conditioning at Southern California University Health System. If you want to reduce musculoskeletal injuries, get them strong.

First-responder bases are focusing more on strength. The LAPDs elite Metro-unit officers must start every shift with 90 minutes of gym work. A coast away, in New York, each Yonkers firefighter can get a stipend of up to $1,200 toward gym fees. Every single firehouse in our city has a gym, says Yonkers firefighter Frank DAgostino.

Plenty of firehouses have somebody like Starling, who trains before work, sometimes at 4:00 a.m. And when he trains at Station 221, he loves a little friendly competition. Ill tailor my workouts to get other guys involved, he says. The person who performs worst does the one thing no workout can prep you for, says Starling. Whoever loses cooks dinner.

Forge total-body fitnessand lifesaving strengthwith this circuit from Starling. Do 4 rounds, resting as needed. Do 20 reps of each move the first round, 15 the second, 10 the third, and 5 the fourth. Don a 25-pound weight vest for even more challenge.

Place a sandbag on your shoulders and stand with your feet shoulder width apart (a). Bend your knees and hips until your thighs are parallel to the floor (b); stand back up. Thats 1 rep.

Why It Helps: Youre frequently carrying gear (or people) on your shoulders.And legs are the foundation, says Starling.

Sandbag Clean and Press

Grasp a sandbag on the floor (a). Stand explosively and pull the bag upward. Catch it at your shoulders. Bend your knees, then explode upward, driving the bag overhead (b). Thats 1 rep.

Why It Helps: Youre always doing a lot of pushing and pulling with your shoulders, Starling says.

Hang from a bar with an underhand grip (a). Squeeze your shoulder blades and pull your chest toward the bar (b). Pause, then lower slowly. Thats 1 rep. Its okay to jump down between reps.

Why It Helps: You never know when youll have to scale a wall with your gear, and the chinup (or pullup) gets you started.

Start standing. Squat down and put your hands on the floor. Jump your legs back into pushup position and lower your chest to the floor (a), then reverse the movements (b) to quickly stand up. Thats 1 rep.

Why It Helps: This wind-sucking, full-body move develops the cardio engine you need. On a fire, Im not even tired, Starling says. You stop thinking about the fatigue.

Firefighters Use Fitness to Make Their Jobs Easier

Ryan Starling entered the blazing single-story building carrying 57 pounds of gearincluding an air pack to help him breathe through the noxious fumes. Now he and his partner needed to shoulder 190 pounds more.

How Firefighters Are Crushing Workouts to Make Saving Lives Easier

Fortunately, we have a solution. The dumbbell thoracic twist with chest press, or DTTWCP (were trying, okay?) gives your body plenty to think about. Youre squeezing a ball between your knees, holding a dumbbell, and working your core by twisting. The single-arm press adds an upper-body pump to the proceedings. You'll smash your front delts, pecs, hip flexors, and inner thigh muscles along with your abs and obliques.

The unique move is the brainchild of highly-respected coach Lee Boyce, who created it to sculpt and fortify your abs. Its not only a great six-pack workout, says Boyce, but also a solid way to activate your trunk for lifts later on. Your entire core will appreciate the new twist.

Twist and Press for a New Type of Ab Workout

Grab a dumbbell and lie on your back with your feet off the floor and a medicine ball (8 to 10 pounds) between your bent knees. Raise the dumbbell straight up; extend your other arm for supportyoull need it.

Start with about a third of your usual dumbbell bench press weight.

Twist your torso as you slowly lower your legs to the side, in the direction of your free hand. Your shoulders should stay on the floor with the weight above you. Once your thigh hits the floor, rotate back to the start.

Keep your shoulder blades pinned to the floor as your hips rotate.

Now its time for the press. Slowly bend your elbow as you lower thedumbbell. Pause when your elbow reaches the floor. Then, engaging your chest and triceps, drive the weight back upward. Thats 1 rep.

Keep squeezing the medicine ball tightly as you do the chest press.

The up-and-down movement of your average ab exercise is as boring as it is fraught with the risk of muscle imbalance and injury. Plus, its not likely to do much to sculpt the lower abs you need for a true six-pack.

Using a Fleshlight is fairly self-explanatory. (As long as you go for water-based lube instead of oil- or silicon-based products, which erode the fleshy sleeve, you're free to pump away to your heart's desire!) But you might find yourself wondering how to clean that bad boy.

Cleaning your Fleshlight is essential, my dudes. According to a <a href="https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/adamandevecom-asks-how-often-do-you-clean-your-sex-toy-300408854.html" id="bf4758b5-0fd4-3292-ad15-cd7c548f00e5"> 2017 survey </a> by sex toy purveyor Adam &amp; Eve, only 57% of guys clean their sex toys after each use, and more than a third never clean them at all. That ain't great, because using a dirty sex toy can land you with a skin or yeast infection.

Youre injecting 98.6 degrees of semen into the toy. Thats just the stuff that life grows out of, Matie Fricker, who owns <a href="https://www.selfservetoys.com/" id="7222c2ed-0f94-30f0-a119-e779ec517519"> Self Serve Toys </a> in Albuquerque, New Mexico, <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19540539/history-of-fleshlight/" id="765ab772-4936-3b15-a152-93149f737a1b"> previously told Men's Health </a> . And when semen leaves the the body, it ejects at 28 miles per hour. Theres a lot of biological matter that is hot in the pocket, so its just a recipe for bacteria to grow.

So without further ado, how do you clean a Fleshlight? Because we always want to give you the most reliable information, we went straight to the source. Here are the official cleaning guidelines provided by Fleshlight.

<ol><li> RINSE. To clean your Fleshlight, remove the sleeve from its case and run warm water through it to clean out any remaining fluids. For a thorough cleaning, apply a few sprays of FleshWash, the Fleshlight toy cleaner, before rinsing. NOTE: Never use any toy cleaner that contains soap or detergents, as those will deteriorate the sleeve. </li><li> RENEW. After cleaning, shake off excess water and allow to air-dry. NEVER put away your Fleshlight wet. After the sleeve has dried completely, apply Fleshlight Renewing Powder to help maintain its skin-soft texture. </li></ol>

And if you want to see the cleaning process in action, check out this video tutorial from Lovehoney:

You Need to Clean Your Fleshlight. Here's How.

If you own a Fleshlight, you're not alone. Since it was patented back in 1997, the handheld masturbation device has become <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19540539/history-of-fleshlight/" id="54dea3f6-d8d3-363e-ac23-caff8bb1cdc2"> the most popular male sex toy in America </a> .

Yes, You Need to Clean Your Fleshlight. Here's How.

Theres a lot you can do to optimize your mental health before it ever becomes an issue. Get thee to a therapist. Ask your doc about medication. Find a supportive community, online or IRL. Take a break at work. The idea is to treat your brain like the rest of your muscles-something to be cared for and strengthened so you can flex it when you need it.

This package will help you invest in your mental health before you hit that crisis point-specifically so that you dont hit that crisis point.

If you can, find a midworkday physical activity, like jogging or walking, says psychologist Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D. That's because working the body can help relax the mind. If you can't get active, use visualization techniques. He says 20 minutes is ideal, but even 10 minutes may be beneficial. Find a private spot and imagine being somewhere that makes you feel comfortable-say, a beach. See the water, hear the waves, feel the breeze. "Doing this for just five minutes, your body will throttle down and you'll start to relax," Lazarus says. Though coworkers might not appreciate you humming Jimmy Buffett.

Lead off by telling your boss something like "First, it's nothing very serious, but I'd really appreciate a bit of time off to deal with some personal and family matters." Start vague and then get more specific as needed, says psychologist Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D. Bringing up family may seem disingenuous, Lazarus adds, but sometimes complete honesty isn't psychologically healthy. If your manager presses for more info, simply say it's a "private matter" but that "I really appreciate your understanding." Mentally rehearse the conversation by picturing every detail-the room, our manager. Visualize success, but also run through different variations, like your manager asking you for specifics. Rehearse with a friend or a partner before you do it. Some managers may be okay discussing a mental health day, but you might need to give it a different conversational frame if yours isn't.

We partnered with Women's Health and SurveyMonkey to see just how much stress the American man is dealing with at work, and how we're all managing it. (Take a vacation already!)

Whens the best time to focus on your mental health? It isnt when youre feeling too depressed to get out of bed, or when your chest is about to implode from anxiety, or when youre so burnt out at work, you feel like an empty husk of a human.

Power Up Your Mental Health

Anxiety is a disorder, but it can also be a symptom of another disorder, like depression, that could be treated with a nonaddictive medicine, says Dr. Hellerstein. And conditions such as panic disorders may be masked while taking certain antianxiety meds, particularly benzodiazepines. Many who are put on these medications might benefit from relaxation training, yoga, CBT, or an antidepressant instead, Dr. Hellerstein adds.

In addition to anxiety, benzos can also be helpful for insomnia and depression. They bind to the same brain receptors as alcohol, and they can be addictive if used regularly. Check whether your anxiety could be a symptom of another disorder.

Click the smiley face to learn more about strengthening your mind.

Clonazepam (Klonopin)

It takes longer to kick in than other medications, but it also lasts longer and is probably least addictive.

Treats: Panic and seizure disorders

Lorazepam (Ativan)

It starts working fast and wears off fast.

Treats: Anxiety, insomnia

Alprazolam (Xanax)

Also has antidepressant effects. Its highly addictive and can be difficult to withdraw from. I tend to prescribe it quite rarely, says Dr. Hellerstein.

Treats: Panic disorder and anxiety caused by depression

Unlike benzos, antidepressants arent physiologically addictive, but they can be difficult to come off. While theres no clear metric for deciding which medication within each class might be best, doctors do use various criteria. If youve had trouble tolerating a number of medicines in the past or havent seen benefits, ask about potential genetic tests, Dr. Hellerstein suggests. They can help match you to appropriate medications based on features like your metabolism.

<h1> Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) </h1>

The go-to choice for treating depression. Thats because theyre safe and inexpensive and have relatively few side effects. They can also help other conditions, including anxiety disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and panic disorder.

Citalopram (Celexa)

Treats: Depression

Escitalopram (Lexapro)

Treats: Depression and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)

Fluoxetine (Prozac)

Treats: Depression, OCD, some eating disorders, and panic disorder

Paroxetine (Paxil)

Treats: Depression, OCD, panic disorder, GAD, and PTSD

Sertraline (Zoloft)

Treats: Depression, OCD, PTSD, and panic and social-anxiety disorders

Vilazodone (Viibryd) and vortioxetine (Trintellix)

Newer meds that also have anti-anxiety and pro-cognitive effects. May be helpful for those who dont respond to traditional SSRIs.

<h1> Serotonin and Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors (SNRIs) </h1>

serotonin and so also help with energy, concentration, focus, and motivation issues. Theyre best used with someone who is depressed but also has low energy, or someone who cant focus or concentrate.

Desvenlafaxine (Pristiq)

Duloxetine (Cymbalta)

Treats: Depression, GAD, muscle pain

Levomilnacipran (Fetzima)

Venlafaxine (Effexor)

Treats: Depression, GAD, and panic disorder

<h1> Norepinephrine-Dopamine Reuptake Inhibitors (NDRIs) </h1>

They work on norepinephrine and dopamine as opposed to serotonin, so theyre also helpful with energy and concentration. NDRIs have fewer side effects compared with SSRI and SNRI medications.

Bupropion (Wellbutrin)

Treats: Depression and depression associated with seasonal affective disorder

Stimulants treat symptoms of attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). They can be addictive, but most stimulant addictions stem from failing to follow prescription instructions. Its a good idea to talk with your doctor and schedule a follow-up soon after beginning the medication, as overuse can cause paranoia, cautions Dr. Hellerstein.

Amphetamine/dextro-amphetamine (Adderall)

Treats: ADHD and narcolepsy

Lisdexamfetamine dimesylate (Vyvanse)

Treats: ADHD and binge-eating disorder

Methylphenidate (Ritalin)

<h1> The Nonaddictive Alternatives </h1>

Guanfacine (Intuniv)

Treats: ADHD and high blood pressure

Atomoxetine (Strattera)

There are lots of different medications out there to power up your mental health-but what do they all do? Here, David Hellerstein, M.D., a research psychiatrist and professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center, breaks down the different classes of mental health meds.

19 Psychiatric Medications to Power Up Your Mental Health

Things cascade. Its like the If You Give a Mouse a Cookie story, but its If You Give a Guy Some Mental or Emotional Distress. It begins as a panic-struck Sunday afternoon scrolling through streams of psychotherapists, certified counselors, licensed social workers, all with any number of credentialing acronyms at the ends of their names.

You ask a friend or two. Ask who they see, what they like. One sees a doctor who just doles out scrips. Thats too cold, and not what you need. Another builds sessions off pulling a card from a tarot deck. Which is just a little too hippy-dippy. But their preferences help you define yours.

Click on the smiley face to learn more about Mental Health Month!

Who do you want to actually talk to? Someone who looks like you? Another man? Around the same age? Or someone totally different from you and the people you spend time with. Maybe an older woman who could be a stand-in for one of your moms old work colleagues. A Janet or a Caroline.

So you write a few inquiries, laying out whats bothering you. They ask to get on the phone with you. I would put the onus on them to organize the conversation, says Avi Klein, a licensed clinical social worker and Mens Health advisory board member. That would start to give you a sense of how they work.

Suddenly, youre coordinating times and a private place to take the call. You try to take account of billing-if theyre in network or not. You check your insurance plan. And if their hours fit with your schedule. If the logistics line up, you keep going.

Ask them to explain why their approach will work, says Klein. You should share a sense of a road map and what the expectations are. If theyll be direct and action oriented. Or if theyll have you journal or fill out worksheets. If theyll just sit and let you vent for 45 minutes.

The most important part of that consultation or phone call is your sense of them, says Klein. Do you like them? A good working relationship is one of the biggest determining factors in successful therapy outcomes.

And maybe you dont follow up with one of them. Or you make an appointment, and just the one appointment. Its fine. Youre testing people out. Tell them that. They get it. Then you leave one consultation feeling pretty good. You carve space in your schedule, and clear it with your insurance, and plan for next week.

Because once you get a hint of how much better you could feel, you find a way to make it work. -Matt Goulet

There are hundreds of therapy techniques, some employed by trained professionals and some, like puppet therapy, that arent. Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D., helps us select the most effective methods.

I would encourage people to seek out practitioners of cognitive behavioral therapy, says Lazarus. Focusing on corrective thoughts and actions, behavioral therapy aims to provide everyday strategies for the stresses and anxieties of the here and now. But avoid monotherapy-an approach that employs only one method. Choosing a behavioral treatment is like mixing a cocktail: It should include techniques tailored to the individual. These are some of the more common CBT-based approaches youll likely come across."

Assertiveness Training/Interpersonal Effectiveness

<ul><li> Helps you: Learn to say no without feeling guilty. It also helps you express your feelings and desires in a responsible manner. </li><li> Best for: Those looking to express themselves in healthier ways. </li></ul>

<ul><li> Helps you: Shift your thinking from negative and self-defeating patterns to more realistic and adaptive ones. </li><li> Best for: Those managing invasive and stressful thoughts. </li></ul>

Behavioral Activation

<ul><li> Helps you: Identify and correct behaviors that are driving depression. For example, youre withdrawing and disconnecting from enjoyable activities. </li><li> Best for: Those whose depression prevents them from engaging socially. </li></ul>

Emotional Regulation

<ul><li> Helps you: Bring your emotional experience to a better baseline. </li><li> Best for: Those whose emotions interfere with healthy functioning. </li></ul>

Exposure Therapy

<ul><li> Helps you: Overcome your fear or anxiety by doing exactly what the name suggests: being exposed to its source. </li><li> Best for: Those with intense phobias or other anxiety disorders. </li></ul>

Mindfulness/ Meditation

<ul><li> Helps you: Foster nonjudgmental awareness of the present, yourself, other people, your thoughts, and your emotions. </li><li> Best for: Those wanting to keep their mindset in the present and manage stress. </li></ul>

<ul><li> Helps you: Set your focus on the body and movement. Physical exercise is probably one of the most powerful stress relievers and anti-depressants, says Lazarus. </li><li> Best for: Those wanting to improve their mind and body as well as their mood. </li></ul>

Social Skills Training/ Communication Training

<ul><li> Helps you : Better interact with those around you by developing skills like active listening and assertive expression. </li><li> Best for: Those working on sociability or suffering from social anxiety. </li></ul>

Psychoanalytic Therapy

Also known as: psychodynamic therapy

The oldest (and perhaps now antiquated) technique, it involves tackling unresolved conflicts in your past and gaining insight through psychoanalysis. If a therapist uses the word analysis in his or her online profile, this is what you might be getting, says Lazarus. Think Freud, couches, and discussions of your childhood. Really, its still a thing.

Best for: The overly introspective, intellectuals.

Humanistic Therapy

Also known as: person-centered, existential, gestalt

Popular in the late 50s, this practice focuses on providing a safe and supportive environment to explore your thoughts and feelings. The therapist wont challenge your ideas or give you any recommendations but will instead listen and allow you to work through your issues verbally.

Best for: People who want passive, nondirective, sounding-board therapy.

It starts where everything starts: a Google search. Which leads to a Psychology Today directory. And from there you write down a few names. Some people located near your office. A couple maybe near home.

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Former U.S. congressman (D-Rhode Island) and founder of DontDenyMe.org

I spend a lot of time on the road, fighting for parity and equal access to care for those with mental-health and substance-use disorders. In addition to medication, exercise is critical for managing my mental health and long-term recovery from addiction. No matter where I go, I try to arrange access to a lap pool or a gym.

I do my emotional homework when Im brushing my teeth in the morning and at night. Why did I react to my boss in this way? Why did I react to my boyfriend asking for my phone? I ask myself, Why did I feel this way? So that I can figure it out and heal from it. Thats the moment when I can do it, when Im brushing my teeth. Nobodys in the bathroom with me. The kids arent around. Its my moment.

Former wide receiver, New York Giants

I wake up and meditate for 20 to 30 minutes every morning, sometimes twice a day if my schedule allows it. Id been accustomed to waking up and immediately grabbing my phone and checking my messages and Instagram. Id overload my brain. Now that I meditate, if something negative happens during my day, Im more resolved. I can dissect the problem for what it is and not be so reactionary in the moment.

Real people share with MH whats worked for them, via Twitter.

"Journaling and taking trips to places around town by myself #IsMyTherapy -just General Tso, @_greenblanket_

2 minute deep breathing in silence 3 times a day. Its harder than it sounds. #IsMyTherapy -Ryan B, @RBgo_ski

Lamictal #IsMyTherapy and so is Lexapro. Theyve helped me stay steady, consistent, and unafraid. #storeboughtneurotransmitters are fine. -Fitness As Philanthropy, @AsPhilanthropy

Even athletes, politicians, and TV stars have found what works best when they need to recharge, focus, destress, or reckon with their emotions.

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In his senior year of high school, Ontario native Levi Demour-Iozzo injured his back on a max squat. The injury became the downfall of any good exercise habit, and Demour-Iozzo soon used the injury as a crutch to skip workouts. Then his life encountered more setbacks. He graduated high school, but soon dropped out of college.

"I was a 19-year old drop out at 275 pounds and working as a server," he said. "After each shift I was spent. Id go to bars, but I was brutal with girls-I couldnt talk to them if my life depended on it. I just had no confidence or self-esteem."

But over the next year, Levi would pull off a 100-pound weight loss transformation, trimming his way to a muscular 175. That journey began one November, when Demour-Iozzo and a friend began making New Year's Eve plans, including where to go and what to wear.

"I took out a peacoat from high school, but I couldnt even pull the zipper up," he said. "The light just clicked. I knew it was time to do something."

He made a new plan: fit into this peacoat by New Year's Eve.

Demour-Iozzo also went back to school, enrolling in a local university. He had learned a lot about nutrition from his high school basketball coaches, but he'd ignored the advice. Now, back in school and unable to return home for lunch, Demour-Iozzo had to employ some of that advice.

"It was important that I diligently pack my lunches, so I wouldnt eat out and make unhealthy choices," he said. "I did more research on healthy diets and stuck to fish, chicken, salad, and vegetables." Since Demour-Iozzo was also working at a restaurant, he had to be extra careful not to graze. He avoided burgers and pastas, sticking to lean meats and veggies.

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As for exercise, Demour-Iozzo knew he would need an equally-disciplined regimen.

He found <a href="https://www.maxworkouts.com/" id="1df0b07a-eed1-319b-ad5f-5d9d88a95116"> Max Workouts by Shin Ohtake </a> and started on a high intensity circuit program. "I would go six days a week," he said, "weight training Monday, Wednesday, Fridayand then interval training on a cardio bike Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays," After the first 12 weeks, he had already lost 40 pounds.

Losing the weight didn't just help Demour-Iozzo fit back into his peacoat, it also helped relieve lingering back pain from his high school injury.

Workouts became more fun, and Demour-Iozzo soon found his exercise discipline translating into academic discipline. "I wasn't a great student; I procrastinated a lot. After the weight loss I was more diligent. I would send our resumes without stopping. Now, I go into every task with that mentality."

Demour-Iozzo says he found that drive through encouragement. "When I was working out one day, a muscular guy came up and asked me about my routine. 'That looks really hard,' he said. 'Keep up the good work.' Looking back, that really motivated me."

Demour-Iozzo's own encouragement for others: "Dig in and really find that inner workhorse. What I found from fitness I hope everyone can find."

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