Our sex drive is so very reactive to everything thats happening to us in our world and our bodies, says , PhD, a clinical psychologist and co-author of . Think: annoyances at work, medical issues, sexiness-crushing side-effects of medications, and any number of other outside distractions. But, just because you're not feeling particularly saucy atm doesn't mean you have to give up on the idea of getting in the mood. Actually, it's all about taking the situation into your hands instead.
15 hot and steamy ways to get yourself in the mood
Some days, just seeing a pic of your celebrity crush might be enough to rev your engine. Others, getting in the mood may not come so easily. Totally normal.
Sure, sex drive ebbs and flows, but you can definitely boost your libido when you're feeling a little blah. The mind is a powerful thing, Brandon says. It can turn you off to sex, and it can turn you on to sex. So, if you're ready to heat things up, prepare to get your head in the game because these sex experts have just the tips you'll need to turn yourself on and bring sexy back.
1. Connect with your body.
Before getting hot and heavy, the first step to turning yourself on is feeling empowered in your body. When youre not confident and comfortable in your body, its hard to find pleasure, Brandon says. She suggests exercising, deep breathing, or spending time outside to feel more connected with your bod. This isnt about looking powerful or looking a certain way, she says. Its about how youre feeling on the inside. Feeling yourself = feeling sexy.
2. Set the scene.
Create a space in your home that feels inviting and sensualnot just calm, but body-aware, Brandon says. Turn the lights down low, pull out the fluffy pillows and blankets, and press play on the tunes that create the ambiance that feels straight out of a steamy flick. Think less sex den, more seductive oasis of your lusty daydreams.
3. Take a bath.
Now that youve connected with your body, its time to turn up the eroticisim, Brandon says. Even things that dont seem to be sensual at first, like taking a bath, can help get you into the right mindset. Light a lavender candle to bring on the cuddly feels, and let yourself relax, lapping water against your skin. Itll get you all hot and bothered feeling the sensations against your skin.
4. Masturbate (even if you dont feel like it at first).
Not horny? No problem. You can masturbate even if youre not turned on, Brandon says. It can help you get into your body and feel those sexual feelings. It sounds counterintuitive, but sometimes orgasm comes first, then comes arousal. Besides touting bonus like better sleep and less stress, it can also amp up your libido.
5. Give yoga at try.
When it comes to sex drive, sometimes you gotta go with the flow. Brandon says that practicing yoga or meditation might help you better tune into your desire and, ultimately, have better sex. To date, there are only a few conducted by the National Center for Biotechnology Information digging into the connection, but think about it: Yoga is all about focusing on movement and breath. Sounds quite familiar, doesnt it?
6. Queue up the hot visuals.
Yep, you saw this one coming. After all, some of us are visual learners, right? If porn gives you an icky feeling (no shame either way), Brandon says you can get creative. Watching Harry Styles Lights Up orgyish music video, scrolling through Insta, or turning on femme-produced porn could be key to feeling that familiar warmth between your legs.
7. Read something spicy.
Theres a reason erotica fanfic like Fifty Shades and After drew cult followings. Brandon suggests seeing whats out there in the erotica world. As you browse guilt-free, you might stumble upon the next enthralling, I need to cool down read. Even skimming sexy materialthink articles like this or even sex toy reviewscan get your heart beating faster and fantasies swirling.
8. Explore your body.
Usual spots just arent cutting it right now? Take your sexscapade beyond the erotic areas, says Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of . For example, pressing the areas on the right and left of your labia majora where your leg meets your pelvis can be an amazing release of pressure, she says. As you slip into the sheets, try lightly running your fingers over you collar bones and gently squeeze your nipples . By getting handsy, you might even pick up a few tips to pass to your partner for later.
9. Let go of your to-do list.
Suddenly remembering a laundry pile just as the good part of your fantasy came up? Relatable. Our lives pull us into our minds constantly, Brandon says. Its hard to then jump into your body when you spent the last 16 hours in your head. Before your turn down the lights and start getting sensual, whip out a pen and paper. Jot down a to-do list you'll plan to tackle after and only after you've turned yourself on and gotten it on. Put the list away, and get down to the business of the hour: feeling sexy. Being present creates the space for pleasure, Levine says.
10. Eat in a sensual way.
If slurping up oysters gives you the tingles, go for it. Its not so much the food, but how you eat it, Brandon says. What if youre eating with your hands? Licking chocolate sauce off your fingers? She suggests. Lean into tongue action, and savor the moment (and the chocolate).
11. Dance for yourself.
Lock your bedroom door, turn up a playlist of sexy and empowering jams (hey, Lizzo), and get your hips swiveling. Sure, shimmying in an empty room might feel awkward at first, but keep going. Moving your hips and pelvis in a sensual way can be really helpful to embrace your erotic self, Brandon says. No worries if you wont bust these moves out in public. This private moment is all yours.
12. Put on lingerie...and strip down.
Along with dancing, Brandon suggests stripping for yourself, too. Peeling off a lacy number (worn on special occasions) in front of the mirror can make you feel like the star of the show. While you give attention to every bit of your beautiful self, think of what you love about your body, Levine says.
Ever considered wearing lingerie outside of the bedroom? These women actually did:
13. Reminisce about sexy past experiences.
Chances are, you have at least one unforgettable sexscapade you can think of when your libido needs a boost. Letting your mind go there can spark your body and get your mind in the game, Brandon says. Whether you and a former partner had a hot romp in a park or only banged it out sensual music on silk sheets, reminiscing can be a surefire way to rev your engine.
14. ...And fantasize about ones that haven't happened yet.
No better way to float into a creative, sex-craving haze than fantasizing about that position you want to try in real life, or that kink you've been wanting to try out. Even if you aren't planning on turning those fantasies into reality just yet, you can still harness that sexual energy to get you all tingly inside. It's all about "bringing that sexual energy back to connect with your partner, Brandon says. Riding solo? Get totally lost in your imagination, baby.
15. Keep it going.
Before you know it, if youre not making desire part of your life, it goes by the wayside, Brandon says. Dont get too upset: This happens to everyone. Read your favorite erotica author or masturbate more regularly. Its not just for the orgasm (although thats always a perk), but for deepening your connection to your desire. Turning yourself on will become one of your many talents.
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