Elizabeth Bacharach, Kiera Carter

<p>Phone sextalking through sexual acts or fantasies over the phone while you and your partner masturbateisn't just an intimacy must-do for long-distance couples who can't have regular P-in-the-V (or V-on-the-V) action. </p>

<p>Phone sex is a great way for any and all couples to spice things up, says <a href="https://sextherapyhawaii.com/about-dr-janet-brito/" id="8fd87a22-8e03-3352-ae9e-79546ac787e8">  Janet Brito </a> , PhD, a clinical psychologist and sexologist in Honolulu. After all, <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19524091" id="a62bf413-8bd9-3787-ab69-d9e4d51e6538">  research shows </a> that novelty is like an aphrodisiac for your brain.</p>

<p>But exactly how to have phone sex can feel daunting, since it combines two uncomfortable acts (for many women, at least): narrating sexy deeds AND vocalizing personal fantasies. </p>

<p>What, did you think phone sex would be an exception to the consent rule? Never. First, you've gotta establish that you and your partner are both into the idea. Say something like, "I've been thinking it'd be hot to try phone sex and share what we'd both do to each other if we were together," Brito suggests. </p>

<h1>  2. Build up the suspense for phone sex.  </h1>

<p>Set the stage for your evening phone-sex date by teasing your partner during the day. Shooting over a quick, flirty textIve been thinking of you naked all dayor a sexy, NSFW snap can help you both gradually get in the mood, says <a href="http://missgigiengle.com/" id="61b72d25-b1c5-314d-a42e-066827ba33ce">  Gigi Engle </a> , a certified sex coach and sexologist.</p>

<h1> 3. Make sure you're having phone sex with someone you trust. </h1>

<p>Speaking of NSFW pics, it's worth emphasizing that your phone sex partner should be someone you trust. Any ~content~ you send over could stay on a hard drive for years to come, just sayin'. </p>

<p>As you get closer to go-time, continue to get those juices flowing (heh) by reading an erotic novel or peeping a little porn at home. </p>

<p>Your goal is to get inspo for the scene you'll set up during your sexy call. Describing something you have in mind is easier than making something up on the spot, Engle says. </p>

<p>Want to know how "normal" your sex life is? All your Qs, answered:</p>

<p>That laptop on your desk? Close it? Your door? Lock it. Your partner (and </p>

<p>erogenous zones, for that matter) deserves your undivided attention during phone sex just as much as during regular sex, if not more since it's harder to get into the mood. </p>

<p>Mood matters during regular sex, and it matters during phone sex. Light a candle. Change your sheets. Wear your sexiest lingerie. This will also help you describe the (sexy) scene to your partner. </p>

<p><strong> 7. Ease into phone sex. </strong></p>

<p>Dont feel like you have to rush straight into dirty talk. Instead, ease into it by asking your partner about their day, Brito suggests. Hearing about their lunchtime burrito may seem seriously unsexy, BUT it sets up the opportunity to quickly and naturally change a boring conversation into an, er, exciting one. Think of it like an actual date: You'd probably chat a bit before taking your clothes off, right?</p>

<p>When it's your turn to talk about your day, start hashing out moments when your partner crossed your mind, including details about specific steamy ideas or fantasies that popped up during the hours leading up to your call. </p>

<h1> 9. Make yourself comfortable.  </h1>

<p>As you start talking, get situated in a place and way that youre physically comfortableand share these play-by-play details with your partner. </p>

<p>For example: I got so hot thinking about this, I just took off my clothes. I'm lying on my bed right now and loving the fresh feeling of the sheets on my body...the only thing that's missing is you. Just an idea!</p>

<h1>  10. Get wordylike, really wordy.  </h1>

<p>Overall, the more descriptive you are, the more your partner will be able to visualize your sexual fantasy and be able to join in, Brito explains. </p>

<p>She also suggests taking the time to describe each others erogenous zones by using a variety of synonyms. If this means prepping ahead of time by crafting a bit of a script or putting together a list of verbs and adjectives, then do just that. (No, it's not weird.) </p>

<p>To convey what you want, start off by using fill-in-the-blank sentences (yes, <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a19932545/mad-libs-phone-sex/" id="fbb06fb4-142f-3cc4-a34a-653117e0ea6d">  Mad Libs style </a> ). "I love it when you _____ my _____," or "I wish I could _____ to your _____ right now."</p>

<p>Bottom line: Be as specific as possible. </p>

<h1>  11. Bring some toys in on the phone-sex action.  </h1>

<p>Simply put: Toys can be a great way to not only help you get off during phone sex but also give you something to, ya know, talk about. So spell out exactly how youre using, say, your vibrator (where you're putting it, how hard you're pressing it onto your clitoris, how fast you're moving it, etc.), and how it makes you feel. </p>

<p>Your end goal here isn't to have a fast orgasm, btw. In fact, at least according to Engle, phone sex doesn't need to be about orgasm at all. "It's about experiencing pleasure," she says.</p>

<p>So take phone sex as an opportunity to play around with new masturbation techniques. Instead of just focusing on your clitoris the entire time, try stimulating the nipples, labia, or vaginal opening. </p>

<h1> 12. Comment as you experiment. </h1>

<p>This takes some getting used to, but yep, phone sex requires a level of narration that you don't need during IRL sex. So, as you're playing around with those new masturbation techniques above, do *not* keep the play-by-play to yourself! Then, it's just regular masturbation, not phone sex, ya dig?</p>

<h1>  13. Listen to your partnerand to your body.   </h1>

<p>By paying close attention to everything your partner says and doesincluding their breathing patternsyoull have a better idea of whether or not youre hitting the right buttons. </p>

<p>The quicker the pace of their breath, the more likely they are on the verge of finishing, explains Stephanie Cathcart, professional phone-sex operator and founder of <a href="https://totallipservice.org/" id="65c90503-6556-3966-af1f-3daa5279489d">  Total Lip Service </a> . Noticing how excited they're getting should (hopefully) turn you on even more.</p>

<p>On that note, dont be afraid to let out your own deep breaths and moans to cue your partner in on where you are and what works for you. </p>

<p>If you start to get in your head ("I feel ridiculous" or "This is kinda weird"), go back to your own heart rate, breath, and even body temp, says Brito. This will help you stay present and in the mood. Hey, not everyone is up for a chat!</p>

<p>You don't need to narrate the entire time. In fact, like a regular conversation, 50/50 is best when it comes to phone sex. If you're feeling stuck on what to say, feel free to throw it back to your partner: "Where are your hands right now? What do your boxers look like?"</p>

<p>Like regular sex, something might kill the phone-sex mood, and if that happens, it's okay to #voiceyourtruth. Take the reins if it's going somewhere you're not into, or say you'd like to take it slowwww if that's the case. </p>

<h1>  17. Consider phone sex with role-play.   </h1>

<p>The phone is a great way to be silly or act out and talk about things that you might not feel as comfortable doing in personor at least not at first, says Cathcart. </p>

<p>For this reason, phone sex serves as an incredible gateway to role-play, because you're able to go through the motions without going to the nines (a.k.a. dressing up). </p>

<p>So for a little extra fun (because, again, novelty), feel free to get creative with your voice, such as opting for a higher pitch tone for a "school girl" or a lower one for a "dominatrix." </p>

<p>If you'd rather just keep phone sex real (which is perfectly A-okay), Cathcart recommends ditching the dramatics. Theres a natural seductiveness about a womans voice, especially when youre in an intimate relationship with that person, she explains. </p>

<h1>  18. Reminisce about the past during phone sex.   </h1>

<p>If youre not sure what to say or where to begin, bring up a sexy memory that you and your partner shared together. By calling on a #tbt, you have an easy script: Youre able to talk through the motions of what you each did to each other. </p>

<p>Plus, youll know whats coming next, so youre less likely to get confused or lost, Engle says. </p>

<h1> 19. Embrace the digital age (or not). </h1>

<p>Using your imagination is part of what makes phone sex so hot, but don't forget that you've got more video tools at your disposal than ever. Why not start with a little phone action, then switch to video chat sex when things get heated? Your game, your rules. On the same note, feel free to tell your partner that this is a visual-free zone if that's what you're comfortable with. </p>

<h1> 20. Wait until you *both* finish (if that's your goal). </h1>

<p>Orgasm isn't *everything,* but I mean, this is just good sex advice in general. If you want to climax, whoever climaxes first should ideally stay on the line until the other reaches the finish line, too. Or, at least end the convo at a stopping point that works for both of you. Abrupt endings are kinda the worst, am I wrong?</p>

<p>It can be easier to walk through an experience if the only things youre focusing on are your partners voice and your own bodys sensations, such as the tingling from your vibrator. Its like auditory homemade porn, Engle says. </p>

<p>If that doesn't make you want to have phone sex, like, tonight, I don't know what will. A trusty episode of SATC, perhaps?</p>

How To Have Phone Sex Without Feeling Awkward

In a world where sexting reigns supreme and FaceTime allows you to see whom youre talking to in HD (gasp), the concept of phone sex seems as outdated as a landline telephone. But if Miranda in <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTtHHZAXCjA" id="42594139-c8ef-36a7-a6d0-c97af6ad69ce">  Sex and the City </a> taught us anything, it's that phone sex can be seriously hotif, that is, you know how to have it.

Exactly How To Have Phone Sex Without Feeling Awkward

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Pulse Kenya is the most followed news and entertainment platform in Kenya. It informs and engages young Kenyans around the clock and provides updates by the hour.

Elizabeth Bacharach, Kiera Carter

Articles written by the author

Exactly How To Have Phone Sex Without Feeling Awkward