In-laws are a tricky subject. It can go well, it can go to hell. Or it can be a mellow in between where you only see each other when you need to and occasionally bump into each other at

But there are those instances where you can’t really tell where you stand with mum-in-law. At one point she seems affable and in the next moment, it’s as though she’s never seen you before. You also get the same hot and cold treatment with the rest of the family unit.

However, there are also other behaviours you can observe so you can know once and for all if your in-laws low key don’t like you.

They don’t include you in plans

You will find yourself to be an oversight. When planning a family trip or event, you and your family weren’t considered in the total numbers. They run out of seats for you. There aren’t enough sodas for you.

And when your spouse is invited, you have to confirm if you were invited too.

Passive aggressive treatment

If it’s not the silent treatment, your in-laws will be catty and make snarky remarks about everything. Your style of dress, your hair or the school your kids attend.

They let you foot the bill

If you have to meet with them in a restaurant or in any kind of joint where money is required, you’re the one who’ll be left with the cheque.

They ignore you

In meeting and events, they’ll make snide remarks about how infrequently they see you. But the moment you try to engage them in conversation, they steer it away from you.

They like to fluster you

When they really don’t like you- probably because they preferred their relative’s ex or because they’re spiteful and idle- they’ll want to agitate you. They’ll pop up at your home uninvited. They’ll try to see how you cope with their unscheduled presence. They’ll make comparisons with either their own superior home, that of the favourite spouse or the décor of the ex.

They never bring you gifts

As is tradition in most African homes, when visiting, it’s customary for the guests to bring the host a gift. It can range from house supplies, a bottle of wine, or something more extravagant and with a personal touch. And while most kindly or polite in-laws will bring a few veggies or a bag of maize from ocha, yours won’t bring you anything. At all.

The scariest thing is that all these things are done without forethought. In most instances, it’s just instinctive malice.