Now that you’re here, let’s talk about how communication about sex is needed in that your relationship, whether it is sex-filled or sexless.

Celibacy is a thing. And premarital sex is a thing as well. This is not an article promoting or downplaying the importance of one over the other. If you have chosen one over the other, you must have your reasons for doing so and that’s just fine.

Why you should talk about sex

For those who choose to wait till the night of their wedding and those who can’t wait till then to unbox the package, a refusal to discuss sex as openmindedly, fearlessly and with a view to improving will lead to the same thing – frustration, dissatisfaction, resentment and a whole lot of negative vibes thrumming through that relationship and whatever it morphs into.

Refusing to talk about sex means you are leaving your sexual satisfaction to chance. [Credit - Capital Kenya]
Refusing to talk about sex means you are leaving your sexual satisfaction to chance. [Credit - Capital Kenya]

Failure to talk about sex means you are leaving your sexual satisfaction to chance and guess work.

While it is true that sex with the same person will somehow get better with time even if you do not talk about it, intentionally communicating about it hastens that process of understanding and the betterment that happens as a result.

That sexual spark, the attraction that flares in the pit of your stomach when you look or get very close to your partner is actually great. It means you are sexually attracted to them. But if that’s all you rely on to keep your sex life going for the long haul, I’m sorry that won’t do.

Without communicating your needs, and the things that pleasure and delight you, without building a sizzling sexual chemistry through communication, that sexual attraction will soon fizzle out.

ALSO READ: How to increase intimacy in a relationship without sex

Discussing sex and how you like it should be as openmindedly as possible [Credit: Dean Mitchell  Getty]
Discussing sex and how you like it should be as openmindedly as possible [Credit: Dean Mitchell Getty]

How to talk about sex

With your partner with whom you’re already having sex, or whom you hope to do it with, discussing sex and how you like it should be as openmindedly and fearlessly, even as explicitly as possible; with a view to orchestrating the orgasmic bliss you're yet to find, and improving on the ecstatic experiences you've already had.

Aim to not be judgmental and to not be childish about it. Either of these will make your partner clamp up and could cause them to never express their deepest desires, or ever live them out.

And until your partner becomes comfortable enough to tell you every sexual thing they want to do with you, you may never achieve the maximum pleasure possible with them.

And what a terrible shame that would be.