Deal-breakers in a relationship: What they are & how to identify yours

Deal breakers are deeply personal traits, behaviour or value that one cannot put up with and which they focus on when considering a new relattionship or an existing one.

Many people tend to avoid potential partners who exhibit them and any signs of the same is viewed as a red flag which can end in terminating the relationship.

Some examples of common deal breakers are lack of trust, dishonesty, cheating, substance abuse, emotional, physical or verbal abuse and lack of communication.

Foundation of deal-breakers

Deal breakers are neither universal nor constant. Many of them change to reflect changes in lifestyle, seasons, growth or change in circumstance.

What may be a deal-breaker for one today may not be in a few years as some deal-breakers can be worked through or worked out with commitment, professional support and effort.

READ: The only thing that could end TikToker Prince Chaala and Miss Ell’s relationship

One's values, life experiences, personal boundaries and cultural background largely inform their worldview and expectations in a relationship, including deal-breakers.

Tips & how to identify your deal-breakers

Setting clear boundaries from the start not only helps in adding structure to a relationship, but also allows one to be clear both with themselves and their partner on preferences that are flexible and deal-breakers that are non negotiable. This can be achieved through clear and open ciommunication.

Introspection and reflecting on past experiences: Reflecting on past experiences and looking inward allows one to identify traits or habits that they may find a challenge to cope with, making it possible to communicate this and avoid relationships that may place them in contact with deal-breaker.

Lived experiences shape one's outlook and examining past experiences such as experiencing infidelity is a sure way to assess and determine if one can live through a repeat of the same or if it becomes a deal-breaker.

READ: Dating in your 20s vs. 30s - How financial priorities shift in relationships

Focus on your values: By understanding your values, you are at a better place to draw the lines that should not be crossed, those that touch on what you hold dearly.

Observe and pay attention to your feelings: Feelings rarely lie and paying attention to subtle expressions such as how you feel about certain behaviours such as flirting with others, drug use, being unreasonable can be an eye-opener in terms of what you take down as a deal-breaker.