Nyakinyua Kibugi

Impressing your future mother-in-law is a must if you want to have a good relationship with her.

Many a times, ladies complain of having a terrible relationship with their in-laws. While I understand that some in laws can be straight up difficult and hard to impress, sometimes it's also up to you as their future daughter-in-law to make them see that you're worthy of their love. Your boyfriend's mother will test you and watch you closely to see if you will make a good wife or not. The day he takes you home to meet his parents is a very crucial step and you must be on your best behavior. If you have been dating for over a year or two, soon enough, if your man is serious about you, he will introduce you to his family and when he does, be sure to follow these tips if you want to impress them.

1. Dress to impress, but decently.

First impressions are everything. This is not the time to look like a slay queen. Look like a presentable wife. The perfect outfit is a decent skater dress that's not too revealing and one that does not compromise on your style. Go easy on the makeup too so as not to come off as someone that tries way too hard.

2. Ask your boyfriend what to expect.

It's always wise to ask your bae what the situation is likely to be like. Ask him what his parents like and what they dislike so that there are no surprises when you arrive.

3. Go bearing gifts.

You simply cannot visit an African home empty-handed. Even a small foodstuff shopping will be appreciated. It's a good gesture.

4. Be polite and smile.

"Sasa mama Ben" that's not the way to greet your future mother-in-law. Greet the parents with utmost respect even if it means a small bow or holding your arm to show respect.

5. Do not be a know-it-all.

Listen more, talk less. This is the chance for you to get acquainted with those close to the man you love. Talk about him, ask questions about his childhood, tell them things you love and your passions and life goals. Of course, this is not an opportunity for you to gloat about how you love going to nightclubs every Friday but more on your life aspirations and to show what you bring to the table as a potential future wife.

An African-American family praying before a Thanksgiving dinner

6. Help around the home.

By this, I do not mean that you should tie a lesso and start mboching services. I actually do not agree with that myself. However, raising your feet on the couch and unleashing your phone to scroll through your Insta is not what you need to do either. Help with a little chores here and there like offering to do dishes or help with serving food, cooking, etc. Small chores will be appreciated and they will see that you're a woman who can take care of a home.

7. Have basic manners.

You know, sit like a lady, have table manners and carry yourself in a polite, charming and sophisticated manner.

Even if you feel like kissing your boyfriend, that's not the time and place. In fact, in most African homes, the couple is not allowed to spend the night together so do respect that. It's uncomfortable for the parents to watch you two pack on the PDA.

9. Argue behind closed doors if you must.

Sure, things do go awry in gatherings like those. But, if you do get into an argument with your boyfriend while at his parents, do not make it obvious that the two of you are fighting. Argue and resolve the conflict behind closed doors. Mothers-in-law can really add salt to the injury sometimes. Your bae's mom may see you arguing and she dismisses you by telling her son,"Vile nimeona, huyu hamtawezana!"

10. Follow family traditions if any.

If the whole family sits by the dinning table during meal times, do just that. If they pray before breakfast, join in. If everyone wakes up at a certain time, follow suit. When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

11. Do not stress.

Take it easy, don't try too hard to impress, just be your well mannered self and if you fail to impress the first time, there will be many other occasions in the near future for you to bounce back and show them what your boo saw in you.

4 things you must never tell your mother-in-law

Meeting bae's mom soon? Here's how to get her to like you

Foolproof ways to impress your boyfriend's mother

When going on dates, while the purpose is to get to know your date and see if something more could sprout from that date, it’s also important not to have so many expectations.

A date is just that, a date and it could either go well or not. But it’s up to both of you to make an effort if you really are trying to get to know each other. But how can you tell if the guy is a keeper just a few minutes into the date? Here’s how:

1. He makes an effort in planning the date.

It’s important for him that you’re comfortable in the sense, the location is okay for you and also convenient. The place a man suggests to take you on a first date says a lot about him. If a guy for instance suggests to meet at a nightclub, I’m not sure that’s someone you should take seriously. A first date should be somewhere where you can get to talk properly, listen to each other and get to know each other better. And still on trying, he will try to look good to leave an impression.

Be very weary about men who only talk about themselves. That’s a narcissistic trait right there. A person who genuinely wants to know you better will talk about himself while giving you room to talk and he will listen and shoot back questions.

3. He will want to know important things about you.

He will ask you questions about your passions, career, goals, family, aspirations, travel plans, and what not. Pretty much things that make you whole. He will want to know all those little details maybe not all of them at once but at least it’s a good step and a good sign.

4. He will be kind to the waiters.

This is no brainer. If someone is kind to you but not kind to the waiters, that just shows that he’s an asshole, pretending to be a good person. Sure, sometimes, waiters can get on your last nerve but that’s no excuse to treat someone like garbage. There’s a mature way to go about it.

Happy woman on a date [Credit everyday feminism]

Happy woman on a date [Credit everyday feminism]; You can be single and balling [Credit Youtube];

5. He will be a gentleman.

If you’re cold, he will offer you his coat or even suggest to move inside if you were seated outside for example. He will ensure that you get what you want to eat, keep asking if you’re okay and will ensure that you get home safe and in one piece.

6. He will pay the bill.

It’s a first date for crying out loud. If a man makes you go Dutch on the first date, don’t even bother going on a second date with him, that’s not a keeper.

Lilian Esoro from a scene in the movie, 'Alter Date' [YouTube/Yemisi Banjoko]

Is he a keeper?

Is he worth your time? Things to look out for on a first date

I think one of the worst things that can happen to you as a woman is going on a date and never hearing from the guy ever again.

Lol you're left asking yourself a million questions "Was it something I said? Is he just busy? Did he maybe lose my number?"

Even worse, when you text him, double text and triple text, you can see very clearly that the messages have been delivered and still, no answer. Damn, that's rough.

There's a plethora of reasons why a man may go silent on you after a first date. We will comb through those reasons in this article.

However, I should point out that it's really never that serious; at the end of the day, there are eight billion people in the world, if one decides to 'feel sweet' oh hunny, move on to the next very fast.

Here's why he may have failed to call back.

<h3>1. He's married</h3>

It happens, ladies. Some dudes just want to waste your time...

<h3>2. He lost his phone, this is Nairoberry, we all know how it goes. </h3>

You're in traffic one minute checking your Insta timeline and the next minute, the phone is gone.&nbsp;

<h3>3. He lost your number</h3>

Maybe you gave him your business card and somehow, he lost it.

<h3>4. He forgot your name and how he saved it. Trust me, it happens. </h3>

Pulse Influencer Awards 2023: <a data-link-role-code="open_new_tab" href="https://www.pulselive.co.ke/influencer-awards/lifestyle/v591fyh">Lifestyle Influencer of the Year</a>

<h3>5. He's just extremely busy</h3>

I swear, you can come up with the narrative that Obama had time to text Michelle when he was the President, but some dude who works as a marketer has no time? Tell you what? Some people are just not into their phones.

<h3>6. You didn't look like your pictures</h3>

<h3>7. It was something you said</h3>

Maybe you went overboard on some topics and he didn't like it.

<h3>8. He saw some red flags and decided to dodge the bullet</h3>

<h3>9. Might have been a hygiene issue</h3>

Would you call back a guy who came stinking like a he-goat? Or whose mouth smelt like he just ate shit? I guess not.

10. He's just not that into you and there was no connection whatsoever

<h3>11. He's shy and is waiting for you to make the first move</h3>

I know, lame, but such n*ggas exist...unfortunately.

<h3>12. Something really terrible happened. </h3>

Like, an accident or something? You may never know.

Check yourself. If you did nothing wrong, no need to worry, move on!

___8263418___2018___4___17___12___woman+on+phone

There's a plethora of reasons why a man may go silent on you after a first date. We will comb through those reasons in this article.

Ladies, 12 reasons he never called again after that first date

If you’re thinking of going natural, well, it’s not as easy as it sounds.

Many people assume that wearing your hair naturally is easier, compared to other styles such as weaves and relaxed hair but that's not the case.

As a naturalista, you need the right things and tools for your transition to be smooth and seamless. Here are things every naturalista needs:

<h3>1. A wide-tooth comb and an Afro comb</h3>

A wide tooth comb will help detangle your hair hustle free while the Afro comb will be handy to style your hair especially curly styles, as you use it to pick your hair from the roots and give your curls some shape or generally, add volume to your hair, using the Afro comb.

<h3>2. A satin headscarf or bonnet</h3>

To lock in moisture when you're sleeping.

<h3>3. A spray bottle</h3>

This will come in handy when you're styling your hair, to help distribute products evenly be it by sprinkling your hair with water, oils or leave-in conditioner.

When it comes to styling your hair, nearly every natural hair style will require at least one or more bobby pins to secure the style in place.

This is for occasions when you need to deep condition your hair.

<h3>6. The holy grail products that work for your hair type</h3>

When it comes to the products you use, don't go with the hype. Keep trying out different products and see what works for you and your hair type, from shampoos to conditioners and oils.

Black tea rinse on natural hair prevents shedding  (Teen Vogue)

Thinking of going natural with your hair? Here's a simple starter kit to help.

6 items you need when starting out your naturalista journey

Breakups are never easy even for the strongest of us.

But, as cliche as it sounds, time heals everything - with time, you completely forget about your ex and move on with your life. It's even hilarious when you think that at one point, you really thought that you could not live without that person. But moving on from your ex takes a lot of effort. You got to have the strength to focus on yourself and do things that distract you from the ex, such as focusing on your career, passions and hanging out more with your friends instead of wallowing in sorrow and after some time, you will be just fine. Have you been healing from a breakup? Here are signs that you're completely over your ex:

1. You feel whole again.

You no longer listen to sad songs or check your old photos and start crying. You're at peace with the fact that that chapter is closed for good.

2. You do not follow or stalk them on social media.

A while back, you would spend a lot of time stalking them on social media to see what they're upto and maybe see if there's a replacement yet. These days, you couldn't be arsed.

3. You are starting to see other people without feeling guilty.

You are slowly starting to move on and even going on dates with other people, without feeling an ounce of guilt. You want to be in love again even though you're pacing yourself.

4. You have deleted their contact, and every last memory of them.

You've reached a point where you no longer think about the "What ifs" and "What could've beens". You've erased every thought of ever getting back together and you're okay with that decision.

5. You no longer hate them like you did.

In fact, you're friends or there's the possibility of friendship in the future. You genuinely wish them happiness and are okay with them moving on to other people.

6. When you hang out with your friends, your ex is no longer the subject of discussion.

7. You're genuinely enjoying being single and you feel content as you are.

Most important, you know exactly what you want in your next relationship. You know what to tolerate and what to. At the end of the day, we should choose to look at breakups as a lesson learned instead of regretting the experience.

___9086823___2018___11___9___7___TNMWomenHappyPraisePrayExcited-strong-independent-woman-FEATURE-

Out with the old

Surefire signs you are completely over your ex

Cold weather is great especially when you just plan on staying indoors. If you have to go for a date with bae during this cold season, what are your options? We have a list of fun things you can do in the sweater weather:

<h3>1. Turn the heat up in the kitchen </h3>

Instead of going out to eat, make a comfort meal at home. You could both try out a recipe you've meaning to try or make a signature meal.

<h3>2. Go indoor rock climbing </h3>

You can go to Climb Blue Sky which is located at Diamond Plaza and it's actually a sporty but fun activity that will leave you both warm.

<h3>3. Have a board game night in</h3>

I don't know about you but I love me some board games and I'm pretty competitive. You can have a night in, playing different games over some tea, wine or beers.

<h3>4. Have a bonfire and enjoy some chill music </h3>

If you don't have a yard, you could light up the portable clay chimneys and just chill at the balcony and keep warm as you cuddle.

<h3>5. Netflix and chill</h3>

The actual Netflix and chill. Get a warm blanket, snuggle on the couch and binge-watch a show or movie you have been meaning to watch together and then basically end the evening with some kisses and some lovemaking.

<h3>6. Catch the latest movie at the cinema</h3>

We all know that sometimes, being indoors too much even in the cold weather can get a little boring. You could catch the latest movie at the cinema and enjoy together.

Avengers Endgame poster at Century Imax cinema, Garden City Mall, Nairobi

You can never go wrong with a bowling date.

This current cold weather is definitely not for outdoorsy dates.

7 date ideas for the cold weather

Marriage is all fun and games, till you get to a point where the honeymoon phase is over, and boredom starts to creep in.

It’s not always easy to keep the fire burning in a relationship, but at the same time, it’s not impossible. In most cases, things start to fall apart because you stop doing the things you did in the beginning of the relationship. You suddenly stop for going for date nights, surprising each other with gifts, you let yourself go and before you even know it, it’s been months since you last had sex. Just what are some of the things that lead to a sexless marriage?

Let’s face it. People get too comfortable after getting married and stop looking after themselves. When you add weight, not only will you start being self-conscious about yourself but you may also lack energy to get down and dirty and before you know it, every other day, you’re ‘too tired’. The other negative side of adding weight or failing to look after yourself is that your partner may start to be less attracted to you and start straying. So, keep fit, look after your body and don’t let yourself go.

2. You let your sex life take a back seat.

You focus on everything else besides your wife or husband. Your focus is on your job and the kids and your passions. You don’t even ask your partner how their day was or how they’re holding up. Every once in a while, it’s good to take a break from the kids. Let the nanny watch them and take a breather – go out of town on a romantic getaway and rekindle your love.

3. You leave your differences unsolved.

Dating and relationship experts always advice couples not to go to bed angry at each other. Some people are stubborn. Conflict management in a relationship is very essential because if you’re always angry at each other, then that’s recipe for disaster in your relationship.

4. Stress and depression.

If one of the partner is stressed, then obviously, the last thing on their mind is sex. Depressed people have low energy, they experience lack of concentration and constantly have suicidal thoughts and a lack of sense of enjoying life.

5. Mismatched libidos.

It happens, that one partner has a high libido while the other doesn’t. In this case, you could try foods that boost libido or try different things like sex toys.

After a woman gives birth, it takes time to feel comfortable enough to have sex again. You have no choice as the husband but to go at her pace. After sometime, once she fully heals, she will be okay to have sex.

7. Other factors such as,

Erectile dysfunction, addiction to pornography and infidelity.

Married couples, take note

Reasons why you are stuck in a sexless marriage

There’s so much more to sexiness than just booty, good looks and showing skin. No, seriously. Sometimes, sexiness is the way we act, the way we handle situations, the way we present ourselves. It doesn’t always have to be associated with nakedness. In fact, there are many non-sexual things women do that men find ultra-sexy. Here are some:

1. The way a woman walks.

Have you ever seen Naomi Campbell strut the runway? She could literally be in a sack and she’d still look sexy as hell. Of course, not all walks are sexy but, when a woman is in heels and walks while swinging her hips gently, not too much or in an exaggerated way, that can be very sexy.

2. The way she dances.

Again, nothing too crazy here, but some dance moves can be damn sexy. Think of Kizomba or slow whining for example.

Dancing at the Midwestern Ball on the night of his inauguration.

3. When she listens.

It may sound very simple, but listening is a skill that many people lack. A majority of people listen to talk instead of listening to understand. There’s a huge difference. Nothing sexier than someone focusing all their attention on what you’re saying.

4. The way she looks at you.

And it doesn’t have to be lustfully btw. There’s just a way some women can look at you, it’s almost as if they’re yearning for you, almost as if they’re looking deep into your soul.

5. Wearing glasses.

For some reason, a lot of people find people with glasses sexy.

6. Women with dimples.

This doesn’t even need an explanation.

7. A financially independent woman.

It’s very sexy when a woman can handle her own, financially and emotionally. That’s a turn on to many men.

8. Intelligence.

It’s sexy when you can be able to engage in an intelligent conversation on world topics or news making the headlines. And not just conversations, but a woman who can easily solve problems on her own. Not just talking about makeup and Instagram.

Nothing as sexy as woman who has all her ducks in a row and she’s literally making it in life. The real definition of goals. That’s a sexy woman.

10. Sense of humor.

Laughter is the best medicine. A woman who can make you laugh is a sexy one.

11. A woman that’s confident but still humble.

One thing I have learned in life is that you can literally get away with anything by being confident and believing that you’re good enough. However, overconfidence comes off as being arrogant; you still gotta maintain humility.

12. A woman that has a motherly instinct and genuinely loves helping those around her.

13. A great smile.

Do you really need more when you have a bright, great warm smile that brightens everyone’s day?

Jackie Aina - White teeth equals brighter smile

14. A great personality.

You can be stamped with the beauty mark but if that beauty is not backed by a great personality, it’s almost always pointless.

15. A self-assured woman who lives life to the fullest.

A woman that’s not scared to take the less traveled road. She’s adventurous, well-traveled and can take on anything that life throws at her.

A woman in nothing but a boyfriend shirt on a lazy Saturday morning.

Gabrielle Union makes Most Beautiful List 2015 by People Magazine

You don’t have to be naked to be sexy

Non sexual things that make a woman ultra-sexy

Ladies, look…as you grow older, you need to drop some habits that make you come off as very immature. Some behavior is acceptable when you’re in your early 20s but surely, in your late 20s as you inch closer to your 30s, by that time you should know better. You should have evolved from a girl to a woman and you should act like the grown woman you are. Wondering what those immature habits are?

1. Over-posting on social media.

Of course, everyone is free to live their life as they wish but there are many advantages of keeping bits of your life private. The whole world does not need to know literally everything you’re doing with your life. That’s how gossip and jealousy start and before you know it, your decent life slowly starts crumbling down. I’m not telling you not to post anything, what I’m telling you is to limit what you post – avoid putting your entire life out there. Plus, girls, there’s a trend that’s picking up on Instagram that I find uber immature. When someone is unhappy with another person, they immediately go to Insta stories and write an encyclopedia calling out this person and tagging their entire clan and basically letting the whole world know what the issue is. What happened to calling each other, meeting up and settling your scores like adults? Just quit that shit girls.

2. Unnecessary drama.

At 30 years old and you’re still pulling wigs in clubs and splashing drinks at people? C’mon. Have some class. There are better ways of solving issues than being rachet about it.

3. Expecting a man to take care of all your financial needs.

The older you grow, the more financially stable you should aim at becoming. Be the kind of woman that can handle her own and bankroll herself. If you want to walk into a restaurant and spoil yourself with a glass of wine or plate of food, you can comfortably do that without harassing someone’s son for money or to take you out. That ‘why should I spend my own money when I can spend another man’s instead’ mentality is pretty immature. It’s acceptable for young girls without money but no, not from a grown ass woman.

4. Dating bad boys.

How long will you date men that take you nowhere? Sure, we are all allowed to go through the bad boy phase; but at one point, we have to wake up and smell the coffee. Bad boys are just that – bad boys and sadly, a majority of them never mature. They end up as washed out bachelors. If you’re still crying over some bad boy in your late twenties and early 30s, please do yourself a favor and grow up.

5. Holding grudges.

I see this all too often. If you think about it, life is way too short to hold a grudge with someone you once loved and shared secrets with. I agree that friendships end and people evolve and that’s fine. But you can forgive someone and move on without holding grudges. Don’t be the kind of person that cannot attend a certain party because so and so is invited or the kind of person that asks another friend to stop speaking to a certain person because you and that person are not in good terms. What are you? 12?

6. Having a check list when it comes to dating.

This was common way back when but seriously, if you rely on a list to find your future husband, you might wait for so long. Now, don’t get me wrong – it’s okay to have standards and not want to settle for less than you deserve but you should be able to drop some of the items in the list and compromise if the guy is good enough. For instance, imagine you meet a man that checks everything in your ‘list’ except for tall. Will you not date him simply because he’s the perfect gentleman but boohoo, he’s short? If that’s the case, then good luck finding your prince charming because truth of the matter is, no one is perfect, we simply learn to accept people with their flaws.

7. Acting like a teenager when dating.

What do I mean by this? For starters, leading men on and giving out fake numbers. If you don't want someone, simply tell them that you do not feel the same way instead of leading them on. When dating, stop withholding sex from your boyfriend or giving him silent treatment as a form of punishment. Remember that communication is key in every relationship and failure to talk about what's bothering you will only make things escalate.

Nyakinyua Kibugi

Articles written by the author

Foolproof ways to impress your boyfriend's mother

Is he worth your time? Things to look out for on a first date

Ladies, 12 reasons he never called again after that first date

6 items you need when starting out your naturalista journey

Surefire signs you are completely over your ex

7 date ideas for the cold weather

Reasons why you are stuck in a sexless marriage

Non sexual things that make a woman ultra-sexy

Immature habits grown women should drop ASAP

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