Love is not Enough! [Pulse Contributor's Opinion]

We have paid homage to love to a fault

Oragami hearts

Do you have a relationship problem? Well, allow me to be the devil’s advocate – the third party you did not know you needed.

People say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Honestly, you knew what you had, you just never thought you would lose it.

It takes silence to appreciate noise, absence to appreciate presence. However, our generation has idealized love to a point where we fail to recognize that sometimes the silence and absence is exactly what one needs because we need more than just love.

People get into relationships for different reasons.

There are those who believe getting into a relationship can solve their problems, give them refuge and solace. Unfortunately, these kinds of relationships rarely last, especially when you begin to sacrifice your values for love.

This calls for wisdom!

Now, from reality tv shows, movies, even in our own homes, we have paid homage to love to a fault.

As a result, our relationships pay a price. Take for example a relationship that is emotionally or physically abusive to either party. When the victim and perpetrator both believe love is all they need to make the relationship work, they fail to understand without fundamental values such as respect, humility, trust, they cannot recognize how their actions or inactions contribute to the toxicity of the relationship.

When you become timid with your partner, it is easy to fall into this trap – becoming scared to voice out when a line has been crossed. Remember Kenny Roger’s lyrics to the song gambler talks about knowing when to walk away, when to tolerate and when to run away.

I know it is important to appreciate what you have before it becomes what you had but remember the true gift of any relationship is being with someone who cherishes you, as well as respects your values enough not to cross them – healthy relationships are built on deeper, more fundamental values not just love.

Ask yourself some questions

In relationships characterized by love only, the partners say ‘’someone else is happier with less than what I have, so I will stick it out”. Well, sometimes the grass is greener on the other side.

Now, before you interject, ask yourself some questions;

Apart from love, what else forms the foundation of your relationship? Do you compromise what you believe in to make your partner happy? Are you pushed to a point where you no longer care about what you hold dear?

What messes up relationships is trying to please your partner and forgetting to live up to your own beliefs and values.

So, if you are in a relationship and wondering if love is enough to take you to the happily ever after? You are on the right path.

Take a deep breath in, focus on yourself – what you need, want and deserve – because you true happiness will never come to those who focus on love alone.

The foregoing is an Opinion Article submitted to Pulse Live Kenya for publication as part of the Pulse Contributors initiative.

Pulse Contributors is an initiative to highlight diverse journalistic voices. Pulse Contributors do not represent the company Pulse and contribute on their own behalf.

Should you wish to submit an Article to Pulse, do so via contributors@pulse.co.ke.

The Author, Linda Okero, is a communications and development enthusiast who has been enhancing socio-economic transformation in Micro-Finance, Government, Business Acceleration and Advocacy space. She is the Coordinator of the UNCTAD Youth Action Hub – Kenya, a YALI Alumni and Associate Fellow of the Royal Commonwealth Society.

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