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The heated celebrity breakup between Kenyan actor Martin Githinji, popularly known as Daddie Marto and estranged wife Christine Koku Lwanga offers valuable lessons.
Koku accused the media personality of betrayal, infidelity, emotional and physical abuse, accusations that he has since denied.
Amidst the drama, crucial lessons that may be helpful in navigating breakup situations and the preceding period exist and here are some of them.
Social media: More damage with no winner
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Sieving what is shared for public consumption on social media and what is handled away from the glare of the public is a decision everyone faces and the choices have different outcomes.
READ: Daddie Marto responds to allegations from estranged wife
Keeping it real versus presenting a more appealing picture is a choice many face with most couples painting a rosy picture on social media even when things are falling apart.
It is only after a nasty breakup that a part which was well-hidden from the public flows out into social media, often with drama, accusations and counter-accusations that only make things worse.
Koku and Daddie Marto during happier times
Social media is not a courtroom to prosecute private matters and no one wins in this battle. It is a lose-lose situation and the digital footprints last beyond the conflict.
Taking to social media to only escalates conflict and turns into an exchange in which private matters become public with more scrutiny and significant damage to public image and brand which one may not recover from.
Reach out for help and support
A reliable support system can be make a big difference through the storms of life, including marriage.
This system not only offers valuable advice and guidance but also gives one an opportunity to vent and be vulnerable without the fear of being judged or confidential issues leaking.
READ: Daddie Marto & Koku Lwanga considering vasectomy & tubal ligation after 3 babies
Confidentiality, genuine support and love are among the key considerations to make when putting this structure in place.
Some situations may need the help of professionals such as counsellors.
Children deserve protection
Even as parents square it out, children deserve protection from both parties and should be left out of the drama.
Parents should also be cognisant of the fact that the children will eventually come of age and access social media, including online publications and come across what their parents said or did.
Good judgement should thus guide what each says about the other and the actions taken amid the pain of breakup.
Marto had his children in his mind when responding to the allegations, promising to be there for them and attempted to deescalate the situation by steering away from counter-accusations.
To my children, please know that I will always be here, present, and honest with you.
It takes both partners to save a marriage in turmoil
A marriage is a partnership that takes both partners to make it work. While it is worth the effort to put in the effort to save a marriage in turmoil, both parties should put in the work and find value in what they are fighting to salvage.
READ: Why married couples in Kenya cannot divorce by mutual consent
A solo effort may cover some ground but the chances of success in saving a marriage in turmoil increases significantly when both parties are working towards the same goal.
In her admission, Koku shared that she did her best to make the marriage work and only realized later on that her husband had moved on.
Koku and Daddie Marto during happier times
I remember last year when you wanted to leave the first time and I tried to work on it, and you said I wanted the marriage too much. You said I was smothering with all the pandering I was doing to save my marriage. You had already moved on.
Know when to walk out or take a break
For various reasons, both men and women stay in relationships that may not be working hoping to salvage things.
Koku
Taking a break may make the big difference, offering one a chance to look at things from a fresh perspective and make a decision whether to walk out forever or to fix what may have been broken without the drama that has come to define some celebrity breakups.
There is no shame in walking out of an abusive relationship that could have worse outcomes.
Never ignore the red flags, put everything on the table
Humans change for the better or for the worse and this change is often preceded by red flags that one should not ignore.
Comprehensively addressing the red flags, rather than sweeping them under the carpet hoping for things to change may lead to an implosion that may be difficult to recover from.