How to tell you're a terrible restaurant customer

But sometimes the blame solely lies on you. If you’re the kind of person who has something negative to say about every single restaurant you’ve ever been to, then maybe the problem is you.

Yes, there are occasions when a restaurant’s standards are so low you could slut shame them. But there are times when the establishment and the wait staff are alright, it’s actually you who is a disturbance to the ambience.

Here are 7 ways to tell that you’re a horrible restaurant customer.

Being quiet when they greet you

Now when a professional waiter is conciliatory and greets you when you’re seated, “Hi, I’m Michael, I’ll be your server for today. What would you like to drink?”

You shouldn’t just stare at them or bark out, “Menu.”

Acknowledge them, give your order or ask for a menu and some time to go through it.

Asking for a favour when you’re not a regular

Kenyans are fond of a kujuana system where you get stuff for free based on years of customer loyalty. And that’s fine. But you don’t ask for that special treatment when you are still newer than a baby. Don’t ask for favours or for the waiter to buy you a drink when you haven’t even finished warming your seat.

Showing your hotel expertise

Whenever something happens and your first response is, “You know, I used to work in a restaurant and us we never used to do this…”

Well, yeah, because that’s not the restaurant that you won’t admit to your friends you got fired from.

Rushing them

It’s understandable to ask questions but don’t rush them as though they’re your errant kids. And when there is a delay in the kitchen it’s definitely not your server’s fault.

Calling for them by making noises

It grates the hardest of nerves when conductors ask for the bus fare by jingling their coins in your face or making the noises people use when herding goats or shooing chickens. Why not call for your waiter by his name? Oh because you interrupted him, you didn’t catch his name? Then raise your hand and one will come rushing to assist you. And please catch the server’s name this time.

Not tipping

This is understandable if you’re on a tight budget. And Kenya doesn’t have strict tipping laws like Germany where it’s frowned upon to ask for change and in the USA where you have to leave at least a 10% tip of your bill. It’s very bad form to leave only five or ten shillings as your tip when you ate a Sh5, 000 meal. Leave a hefty tip and if your meal was meagre just thank them for their service. Genuinely.

Getting upset when your server asks you to settle up because his/her shift is over

I witnessed this when I was out with a friend and our server asked us to clear the bill because she had to leave as her shift was over. I was about to pay for what we had eaten so far but my friend stopped me. I had thought he was about to request that our costs be made known to our next server so that we only have to pay once as we weren’t done eating. However, my friend went on a tirade, explaining to the now petrified woman that he won’t be rushed to pay. And he will only pay when he is done eating. Were it not for my quick thinking, he would have gotten us kicked out for harassing the staff.

Other manner less customers are:

The ones who complain about things on the bill that they pretend they hadn’t eaten.

The ones who take too long to pay.

The ones who complain when their extravagant tastes don’t reflect in the menu.

The ones who sexually harass waitresses by groping, making lewd comments or making unsolicited indecent propositions.