Dating experts discuss psychology behind TikTok 'orange peel theory' relationship test

TikTok 'orange peel' relationship test - 3 dating experts discuss the psychology behind it

Sonam Sheth

December 2, 2023 12:20 PM

The latest relationship test that's taking TikTok by storm involves a fruit.

TikTok says that the secret to a long relationship is peeling oranges.Prostock-Studio

Ask your partner to peel an orange for you, it says, and their answer will determine the strength of your relationship.

Known as the "orange peel theory," the test symbolizes the small, day-to-day acts of kindness that people can do to express their love for their partners.

"They do it because they know it makes both of their lives easier and promotes gross domestic happiness in the relationship," said Max Alley, an online dating coach who runs Match Up Online Dating Coaching in New York City.

Alley added that he believes the test is a useful measure for how strong a relationship is.

"I would say that it's an accurate measure of love in a relationship," he said. "It shows, does a partner consistently want to be helpful or do little acts of kindness to make their partner feel good?"

Patrice Le Goy, a marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles, agreed, saying that "while we often think of big, grand gestures when we think of romantic acts, it's actually the regular daily interactions with our partner that makes us feel close to them and cared for by them."

"Yes, it's a small act, but it's a caring thing to do, especially if your partner knows it's a task you dread," Le Goy said.

That said, like most trends on social media, the test only goes so far.

It "opens the door to questioning what your core values are and if they're matched with somebody," said Amy Nobile, a dating coach in New York City and the founder of Love, Amy.

But "we have to go deeper than that," she added. "That bar is pretty low, and we need to have a higher standard than asking our partner to peel an orange for us. There's no way that correlates to the health of the relationship."

It's also just as important to be able to say "no" as it is to say "yes" to a request from your partner.

Being able to say no when there's a good reason for it "is a sign of a strong relationship with healthy boundaries," Le Goy said. "When people feel like they always need to say yes and meet others' needs before meeting their own, that may be them communicating that they feel less than equal or unworthy of their partner."