Brides: Here is how much influence your parents and in-laws should have on your wedding plans
Especially when they are footing the bills for the ceremonies.
Many brides are familiar with this feeling. As the wedding day comes close, so do intents and advice and wishes multiply. Friends offer this and that advice, family members suggest various things that should add more colour and radiance to the big day… on and on goes the carousel.
While many of these projections can be brushed off when they come from these sources, it is not so easy to do so when they come from parents.
With a bride who is not so sure of what she wants, it’s actually very easy for parents to project so much of their desires on the ceremony that it may well be assumed that the wedding is a renewal of their vows rather than their child’s nuptials.
How much influence should your parents have on your wedding day?
It all depends on the disparity of their wishes and yours, to be very honest. If their wish is to have a ceremony that is totally, totally different from what you have dreamt of, taking on their wishes may be very difficult.
A common twist to this is: what if they are paying the bills? Well, then, the best thing to do is to reach a meaningful compromise that allows you have your kind of wedding, while incorporating a reasonable amount of their wishes into the big day.
At all times, the key is to respect their wishes without taking away too much from the essence of the kind of wedding you want.
What if it is your in-laws trying to influence things?
Same rules apply, really. The modification here is that you would need your man to do the necessary talking [and insistence] with his parents. He is their child and he’s in the best position to talk them out of any plans that clash badly with the plans you have for your big day.
It’s OK to shift grounds a little to accommodate some of their wishes particularly if they are footing the bill for the ceremony. It is only courteous to have some of their desires reflect on the day.
But that's it. The day is yours and you should be allowed to have it in a manner that makes you happiest.
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