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How to deal with your girlfriend's male bestie

Is her male bestie a threat or are you overthinking it?

Courtesy:Sisinda Velebayi

A guy best friend in your girlfriend's life is a controversial topic, especially on social media. Popularly known as "male bestie" this is the guy that movies and social culture tell you to watch out for.

"Just friends" between a girl and boy who are not related raises eyebrows in public and suspicion in relationships, at best. However, there's no denying that such friendships exist no matter how uncomfortable they make some people.

Here is how you can deal with a partner's bestie.

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We all choose our friends but not their gender. Someone's gender may be a background to the fact that they are a good person and you get along well. Put yourself in her shoes and look at her friendship like yours with your friends. But most importantly, she did not choose her friend with you in mind. Take a break from your perspective and see things from hers.

When we don't know someone, our minds tend to create preconceived images of that person. Don't torture yourself with imaginings of who he is and blow things out of proportion. Get a reality check by meeting him. The only cause for alarm is if your girlfriend doesn't want you to meet!

If you feel jealous of their connection and the things they do, it simply means that you crave the same intimacy. Instead of seeing him as the culprit for your feelings, find ways to improve intimacy in the relationship. Jealousy or envy can also be helpful. They can push you to do better.

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Avoid comparing yourself to him and focus on protecting your worth and being the person your girlfriend fell for. Remember, the more you fall apart because of their friendship, the more drawn she will be to him for comfort.

Sometimes her male bestie is a friend waiting to be made! Since they are going to be in your life for a while and probably have been in her life longer than you, try to get along.

The common thread for you two is the different ways you love her. She will have two people in her corner.

Get drinks with him, hang out, and you might even approach him with any relationship issues.

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If you don't hit it off, find ways of getting along with him. Antagonising him or yourself is likely to make things worse. Think of ways you can enjoy his company.

If you feel vulnerable or attacked by him, communicate your feelings to her. It is unlikely that she knows what is going on with you concerning her friend. Avoid the idea of them together.

Tell her why he bothers you or why their friendship bothers you. You can even talk to the guy and try to get clarity on any issue concerning you or her.

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Your relationship is not a cowboy movie where you fight over your girlfriend. But more than that, she is not a prize to be won by other people. Respect her choices and decisions and avoid controlling behaviour. If you feel threatened, find reasonable ways to handle the situation and your feelings.

If you have suspicions that he might be interested in your girlfriend, talk to him about it. He is not the enemy until you make him. Avoid hating him for his attraction to her, it is not in his control. Give him a chance to tell you his side.

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