How to know if he/she is the right match for you

Relationships therapist Grace Kariuki reveals

Couple on a bad date

They say that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. Eerm, well, there might be some truth in this popular statement. But you don’t have to kiss so many of them if you are careful about who you date.

Like, we have all been in relationships that never worked. And it’s okay because if you are wise enough, you carried some lessons with you from that relationship. One of the reasons as to why your past relationship never worked was probably because the person you were seeing or dating wasn’t the right one for you. This is to say that if you had taken your time to figure out if that person was right for you, you couldn’t have invested your feelings, resources and time in that person.

Identifying the right partner for you

So, how can you identify or tell that the person you are dating is the right one for you? Seasoned marriage and family therapist Grace Kariuki shared with us on exactly how you can know. It’s only fair for us to share the tips with you, right?

When you are dating, Grace advises that you should gather as much information about that person as possible before getting to the courtship stage. This is the time to know why you are dating and what’s the end goal of that relationship.

She adds that “Once you know why you are dating, it's important to know if your partner shares the same goal. Be careful not to get too emotionally involved or sexually involved before you've gotten to know a person well. I give dating a period of three months before the courtship which is the next step before marriage.”

You need to know your values

Grace goes on to add that so that you can know if someone is the right one for you, you must also know yourself and your values clearly.

“Self-awareness helps a lot with clarifying the "right" person for you. I say get out a piece of paper and draw up two lists: what I must have in a relationship and what I can't stand in a relationship. These lists will inform you of your values. Values are the standards and principles that we live by. You want to find a person who shares the most fundamental values and beliefs as you. Examples like religious beliefs and moral convictions are among the fundamental values one ought to consider when choosing a partner” says the relationship therapist.

So if your values are in conflict with those of the person you are dating or considering to date, clearly, that is not the right person for you.

Besides values, Grace advises that the right person should celebrate you, inspire you to grow, accept you as you are and is willing to make you a better person.

“A partner who puts you down, criticizes you, belittles you, envies you, drains you emotionally, insults you, controls what you do or doesn't try to accommodate your mistakes, isn't a good fit for you.” She says.

Looks matter a lot when choosing the right person

When identifying the right person for you, physical attraction is equally important as mental and emotional chemistry. If you are not physically attracted to your date, Grace advises that you should consider ending the relationship.

Another aspect to look out for is someone’s interest in you and what you do.

“If your partner shows little interest in you, your work, your family, friends, dreams, aspirations, etc, then you want to think twice about the relationship. Look out for egocentric people. People who only talk about themselves and are unable to focus on you. Similarly, watch out for those who are only intensely focused on you. They can't stand you being away from them or having other friendships. There's a difference between love and control.” Concludes Grace.


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