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It is important to set boundaries with people on what we can and can't tolerate. However, when we have to set a boundary with a loved one or a friend over a certain remark that they may claim is a joke, it brings up the question: Why do they feel the need or feel comfortable to make that joke in the first place?
The jokes we are talking about are those negative remarks, snide comments, sarcastic comments, passive-aggressive statements, friends make and when you call them out on them, they claim to be "joking". It may be during one-on-one interactions or with other people involved.
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These jokes tend to cross a line or an unspoken boundary that makes you uncomfortable, upset or hurt. You may be accused of being sensitive or fragile, which only highlights how they don't care about your feelings and more about their freedom to say what they want while you grow some skin.
Now back to the question; Why do they feel the need or feel comfortable to make that joke in the first place?
Let's say you tell them how you feel and set a boundary for future interactions, what is stopping this person from making these poor jokes about you with other people or in your absence?
Yes, your boundaries are your responsibility and you have no control over what other people do with your boundaries. But a good friend shouldn't need boundaries around what bad jokes they make about you in the first place and they certainly shouldn't be making them at all.
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READ: When your friend brings their partner to an only-friends trip
In such cases, whether that friend admits it or not, their intentions are just as bad or worse than the "joke" itself. Intentions can be to embarrass you, make you feel stupid or foolish, isolate you, make other people "turn on you", to "humble you", or to silence you.
If it bothers you, address it and distance yourself from such people.