First Dates Single people and the terrible, horrible, no good, absolute worst first dates

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First dates behaving badly

First dates are hard. Harder for some than others. Especially when the first date is with someone you hardly know or have never met before.

Most of them go like job interviews or checking to see if the person is a suitable candidate for a tender.


However, some dates go a lot worse than others. Heartbreakingly worse. They’re the worst.


A man named Adam went on a date with Eve. He took her to an amazing upscale restaurant that she had said was her favourite. But Eve was unnecessarily rude to the waitress assigned to serve them. Adam was uncomfortable and when Eve said, “She was a bit rude.”

Adam only shrugged. Eve then revealed that she was only pranking him and the waitress is her bff. Adam paid the bill after their meal and left.


A young woman by the name of Sarah met a young fellow by the name of John and they were to go on a date. They met online but hadn’t been able to meet for three months. In the three months before eventually meeting, Sarah had gained some weight. And when John saw her, he was visible shocked. He paid for their tickets, they went in to see the movie. John then excused himself to go to the toilet and never returned.


Daniel met a very beautiful woman called Barbara. She was suave, confident, articulate, breath taking and charming. She was a well off business woman and he was a well-to-do sales supervisor. She told him they should go out to dinner at a five star restaurant. He expressed doubt but she said it would be her treat.

After an amazing dinner, she gave out her credit card to pay the bill but it was declined. The second one was declined. The third had the manager bringing out a phone. He told Barbara that her business manager would like to speak with her. She stepped outside to take the call. But after a while, she wasn’t coming back. Daniel called their server and asked what the delay was but the server says they hadn’t brought out the bill yet. Confused he called the restaurant’s manager. She had no clue what he was talking about.



Sandra went on a date with a man she had just met from her church single’s group. He spent the entire lunch pitching his pyramid scheme.


Martin went on a date with Frida. A lovely slightly older woman he had met at a company seminar. After the pleasant date, they went back to her house where she insisted that he doesn’t use a condom. He refused even after she swore she was on the Pill but her vehemence on the bare backing thing had him freaking out. He later discovered a Facebook post by the notorious Frida who was complaining about how she couldn’t get pregnant.


When on a date with an amazing guy she’d met, Jane was having a ball until Eugene had to go to the bathroom. While she was waiting, she asked their server to bring her another drink.

The waitress said, “Haiya, unajua we ni wa nne hii wiki.”


Going Dutch

The politics of who should pay on a date will be argued until humans evolve again. Some people that if you did the asking, you should pay. Others believe that the man should always pay. There is also the modernist movement called going Dutch where a couple splits the check. Usually, they pay for what they ate. But when Sally met Vincent, he ate a barbecue combo worth Sh3, 000 minus drinks and she had a chicken salad for Sh500. Vincent then insisted that they split the bill 50/50.

Looking back

Georgina was on a wonderful date with Alex. They had just come from an amazing paint ball session where she was still high from the adrenalin. Everything was going well when they arrived at the restaurant and started having lunch. He received a call which he said he had to take. Just when Georgina let herself believe that they were something she could see going somewhere and a few minutes in, he started crying, saying, “Yes, baby, of course I still love you. I never stopped.”

Dishonorable mentions

The one where your date won't stop talking about the ex.

The one where your date won't stop talking about themselves.

The one where your date tries to order your food for you.

The one where your date touches you without your consent.



*Names used are not real

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