Wanderlust Diaries Founder Amakove Wala has opened up on her experience being in a sexless marriage for six years and the red flags which she ignored, but which ended up tearing her marriage apart.
Wanderlust founder speaks on being in a sexless marriage & the red flags
I am a fixer by nature, but not being able to fix my marriage is what I struggled with the most - Wonderlust Diaries founder, Dr. Amakove Wala
The mother of four opened up in a recent interview on 'Shared Moments with Justus', revealing that the red flags were there all along from the moment she got married in 2006 but she chose to focus her energy in exceling in her career and as a mother.
'I got married in 2006. There were red flags right along but society had given boxes which I was ticking. Being a good student of life, I tried to excel in everything.
"I covered these 'things' by excelling in my work, so money was not an issue, then I had children. The triplets demanded a lot from me. I would cover the marital 'blanks' with money and parenting but at some point, I lost my job." Amakove explained.
According to her, the loss of her job saw things move from bad to worse with the cracks widening and leaving her in a sexless marriage.
“I was only a wife in terms of a title. In 2013 after I lost my well-paying job the cracks started happening.
“Sex was almost used as a tool, It was sexual abuse now that I think of it. It was given when he wanted or denied it as a way to punish you. Most people don't understand how a husband can deny his wife sex.” She explained.
She added that despite the situation that she found herself in, not once did she cheat on her spouse despite having the opportunity to do so.
“As a woman, you start feeling inadequate… "I never cheated on my marriage despite having opportunities to." Amakove added.
Not being able to fix the marriage took a toll on her and she was admitted to hospital shortly after it ended.
Turning point and emerging stronger
At some point, calls came through to her that rent, her children’s school fees had not been paid for some time, with from which they had bought a property also calling to inform her that they would be selling the asset because there was a charge that had not been paid.
She recounted that having lost her job, she had agreed with her husband to take of the financial obligations and was shocked by the calls.
"I am a fixer by nature, but not being able to fix my marriage is what I struggled with the most.” She added.
The turning point came when she stopped blaming herself for the failed marriage and changed her mentality.
With the support of family and friends, she was able to pick up the pieces and emerge from the experience stronger.
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