Kenyan gen z, millennials embracing "soft life” dating, but who’s really paying the bill?

Have you noticed how dating in Kenya is changing?

If you are anything like me, you have probably seen your feed filled with rooftop cocktails, weekend getaways, and carefully curated brunches. Welcome to the soft life, and no, it is not just a hashtag.

For us millennials and Gen Z, soft life is more than Instagram aesthetics. It is choosing comfort over chaos, joy over stress, and experiences that make life feel effortless.

Think of it as "hii maisha si lazima kuteseka" in action. But here is the thing: while everyone seems to be living the soft life, someone has to pay. And that is the question nobody wants to answer out loud.

The rise of soft life dating

Unlike our parents, as a millennial who grew up valuing sacrifice and resilience, we are openly saying no to the hard life.

Gen Z and millennials are choosing comfort over constant hustle, saying yes to premium experiences at least when it comes to dating.

You can see it clearly in our nights out. A casual evening is no longer just nyama choma at the local joint; it is craft cocktails at rooftop lounges or gourmet sushi in curated spots.

At the same time, social media is amplifying this trend, turning experiences into markers of lifestyle and identity.

Many of my female friends often say that soft life is not laziness; it is intentional living. If your partner is not willing to invest in experiences, why bother? While this focus on lifestyle is exciting, it naturally raises a practical question: who is actually paying for this lifestyle?

Who is footing the bill?

That is where the tension shows up. Some of my male friends, both Kenyan and international, laugh and say, “We are all hustling. Not every date has to be champagne and oysters.”

They have a point. This tug-of-war over money is reshaping how we date.

Some couples split bills, some alternate, and some still stick to the old-school expectation that men pay. But soft life is quietly redefining value.

It is not just about who has money; it is about who can make the date enjoyable, memorable, and effortless. That matters just as much.

Why are we chasing the soft life? The truth is, it is not just about luxury. It is about identity. Living the soft life says: I deserve joy, I deserve ease. After living through a pandemic and seeing how quickly life can change, who can blame us?

Social media fuels this further. When peers are posting brunches and bae-cations, the comparison becomes unavoidable.

What was once occasional indulgence is now an unspoken standard. At the same time, it inspires creativity, as couples find ways to curate soft life experiences without overextending financially.

Is it sustainable?

Here is the reality check. The Kenyan economy is not making it easy. Rising costs, limited job security, and the everyday hustle mean balancing aspiration with reality is tricky.

One of my female friends told me recently, “Soft life dating is like chasing a mirage. It feels good in the moment, but it can leave people financially strained if partners cannot keep up.”

Still, the trend is evolving. Couples are finding clever ways to live the soft life without going broke: Karura Forest picnics that feel luxe, budget-friendly Airbnb weekends, or home-cooked meals styled like fine dining. The secret is intention and balance.

This shift also highlights a generational divide. Our parents often measured wealth with land, livestock, or permanent homes. Luxury meant a shamba or cows in the compound.

We see it differently. Luxury is now curated, urban, digital, and experiential - rooftop cocktails, playlists, weekend getaways. Wueh, kuomoka si rahisi. And so why not just enjoy the perks along the way?

Raising standards, not just the bar

At the end of the day, soft life dating is not about laziness or entitlement, despite what some may say. It is about raising the bar. For yourself, for your partner, and for the way we approach relationships.

In my opinion, it has made us more ambitious, more intentional, and more willing to demand better for our lives.

Of course, the degree of softness varies from person to person, but the underlying idea is the same: we are choosing ease, joy, and standards that reflect our worth.

FIND OUT: 5 things alpha females silently crave in relationships

And when it comes to who is really paying the bill, the truth is, it is not about one person carrying the weight. It is about balance, shared effort, and creating experiences together that are meaningful and stress-free.

Some dates might see partners taking turns, splitting costs, or spoiling each other; and that is exactly how the soft life works when done right.

Maybe that is exactly what modern dating needed, a reminder that life, love, and ambition can coexist beautifully, without anyone being overburdened.