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A guide on how to simp, and why it's necessary

Simping has become part and parcel of the guile game of love.

Every person would now go to any depths to win over the person their eyes have found appealing. And even though we've been warned against it, many will try to sew up a largely torn relationship.

Even though masculinity coach Amerix strongly discourages men against it and women will not accept that they are not the prize, both men and women are raring to simp.

Here are six ways in which you can simp with honour.

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That toxic ego of yours should be flushed if you are willing to go down this road. Start going to massage parlors as your ego is going to be tirelessly trampled on. Those principles that you hold will be used against you in the court of public opinion with the person you'll be simping for as a principal witness.

It’s not okay if you have two left feet. Make a mental note of attending dance classes. You will, almost everyday, be whisked off your feet and cajoled to dance to his numerous rhythm of lies. She will blast your ears with excuses that you will have no choice than “jam” to.

You are no sonko (rich guy) but be ready to rescue her team of needs. Be wary ladies, men have also become leeches. He won’t settle for the cheap socks and boxers gifts but for a costly Ps5.

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You invest your time, attention and emotions and chances are the losses will beat profit.

Despite all this, give Ye wholeheartedly for your reward to simping is in heaven.

"Surely, you mean, aki please," are the new vocabulary to use.

Crippled after falling for her, you’ll camp at the zone she’s placed you begging and hoping that one day she will like Peter utter the magical words asking you to rise up and walk into her life.

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You scramble for his attention that has been partitioned to many women. You beg, and beg until you lose respect for yourself.

To escape the castle of unreciprocated affection, arm yourself with a steadfast spirit.

On Fridays, while your lounge on your sofa furiously typing "Ushago kukoje?", she is safely tucked in cuddling with the laugh of her life in Komarock. He will say he's with the boys discussing serious matters only for the son of a woman to be having the time of his life with the girl he tells you is a cousin.

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You will never find another girl like her. The material that was used to make her has long been out-of-stock in the stores. Let her phone never stop ringing and increase your appetite for blue ticks.

Scrub those jeans clean, make him layered chapatis and serve him the best where it matters. In fact be as submissive as they sat Ugandan women are.

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