#youthmtaani A man narrates how he fell in love with a man he met on Grindr dating site

They say that people cheat when they start looking for what they’re missing. Let me be honest about something – these anti-depressants that I have been taking have been giving me some weird thoughts. Thoughts of being intimate with another man. Now, I have always wondered what it would be like to bend over for another man, so I guess these drugs are fucking up my hormones and amplifying those feelings. I have heard that anti-depressants can really fuck you up. I know that it’s weird to confess this, satanic even! Devilish. Jesus! What is wrong with me? But…hear me out, I can’t help myself – I have had this fantasy for a while now, even when I was still very intimate with Liz. I in fact loved it when she shoved a finger in my butt during coitus (love is in past tense because we no longer have sex. When you start sleeping in separate bedrooms, you know something is amiss) and as strange as it sounds, yes, I want to suck a cock! Is it hard? Meaty? What does semen taste like? Yeah, you can call me a fucking weirdo.

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Strangely enough, and not to sound condescending, I’m not one of those fruity lil boys who wear pink and floral shirts. I’m the most macho dude out there – deep voice, blessed with height, a healthy beard and masculine physique.

Strong black man (courtesy) Pulse Live Kenya

So, you know, with things slowly drifting apart between me and Liz, and me trying to fulfill my fantasy, perhaps in search of that one thing missing in my life, I decided to join Grindr – using a pseudo account of course. Oh btw, Grindr is like Tinder, but for gay men. To be honest, I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know what I was expecting. Would I meet a man and remake that hot scene from Brokeback Mountain? I dunno, maybe! Would I get my senses back and freak out and delete the account? Maybe! I was just freaking winging it okay? Grindr was just as I expected – all sorts of men, the real sausage party. Young, old, hairy, non-hairy, buff men, fat men, teens, name it. Basically, there’s something for everyone.

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I gave myself a pep talk and decided that I was gonna actually try and bring my fantasy to life. One swipe after another, I quickly realized that I had a type – younger, lean men who are slightly built. Unfortunately, my Grindr experience did not go as planned at first, because in this age of technology, people can easily tell a catfish. But, how was a whole married man going to parade himself on a dating site for homosexuals?

I decided to be sly about it and edit my profile to include a photo that hide most of my features – one that I had a hat and sunglasses. You really wouldn’t recognize me, but it was enough to make you decide if you wanted a fuck or not. Well, guess what, that worked. Soon, I was getting matches. It was overwhelming, I must admit. Way too many matches, way too many conversations. I needed a real experience – we nerds don’t really like to spend many hours chatting...it was about time I had my first Grindr date.

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I went to the bar area of this really upscale restaurant where I knew that the probability of anyone I knew seeing us was close to none, and waited for my date to come. I was nervous, so much so that I kept taking bathroom breaks. I removed my wedding ring and had a sip of my scotch as I waited and soon, Sam arrived. Surprisingly, he looked just like he did in his photos; significantly tall, lean but slightly buff and well groomed. The first thing I noticed about him was his beard – ever seen those Emirati men’s beards that are trimmed to perfection? Yeah, Sam was like the black Arab version, in all matters grooming. We spoke and it turned out we had a lot in common, career backgrounds and stuff. He was openly gay and was flabbergasted when I told him that I was married. It was a deal breaker for him – OBVIOUSLY. As you’d expect, that date quickly went south from there and I never really got to hear from the guy again but that’s not to mean that I wasn’t going to try my luck again. Poor Liz, if only she knew that I was busy wanking to “Buff gays fuck” on Xvideos and wanting to fulfill my fantasy more than ever, as she took care of our beautiful Iman. Ah my darling Liz, I hope you will forgive me one day.

I went back to Grindr and with every swipe, I was getting more confident. I swiped on this particular guy and his bio is really what captivated me more than anything. It read “One man’s junk is another man’s treasure. My Uber rating is a cool 4.8, plus, I’ll tell people we met at a bar. HMU.” I laughed out loud, thinking how witty! And, he was younger, plus with his defined jawline and an amazing body, he was definitely stamped with the beauty mark. Lucky for me, we matched and as these millennials say, I slid straight into the DM. I was beginning to feel like I will explode – my sexual tension was intense! One thing I quickly noticed about gay men is that for some reason, they’re ever horny and even willing to have sex on the first date - ‘Time is money let’s fuck and get on with it’ attitude.

Liam was my second date and this time round, he suggested where to meet. We started talking and I realized that he was pretty charming. Believe it or not, I didn’t even know that I had hots for men. I guess it’s true, that no one is 100% straight, because how was a married man like me suddenly wanting and needing a fuck from another man? I was already trapped in a whirlpool of sexual desires that I couldn’t escape from. During the date, while getting to know each other, I realized that Liam, of course being younger, was looking for more of a sponsor. He had the looks, the body and energy and was looking for someone to pamper him – an older guy that needed to bottom for him. Hang on, I will explain later what bottoming means. I was okay with that. If Liam was going to be the one who was gonna initiate me into this world which I was yet to find out if I belonged to or not, then so be it, a few couple of thousands to spend on a young boy would do my account no harm.

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That night, Liam and I ended up having fun drinking, talking about trending stuff and simply enjoying our date. Even though he was much younger, he was quite mature for his age and knew exactly what he wanted! I was impressed. I texted Liz and told her I would be late and we rented a bed and breakfast,and at that point, it dawned on me that this was really happening. The only time I had ever been so close to a naked man was back in high school during shower time. I was fucking nervous! Now I understand how virgins feel when being deflowered. Liam pulled me closer to him, shushed me as though lulling me to calm down and gently kissed me while I stood there still frozen. “I can tell you’re a bottom.” He said.

Read part 3