This week, we decided to dedicate it to figuring out a couple (uncomfortable) things that make our tribes special and unique.
Sorry, Not Sorry. 9 Things that LUOs Should never apologize for
Luos are notoriously flashy and self-assured.
We started yesterday with a little article on the Kikuyu peculiarities some of which are not as savory as you might expect. But then again, it's the Kikuyu. One of the most vilified (and rightly so) tribes in Kenya.
As promised, we're moving on to focusing on these other major tribes and who fits the bill better than the Luo? A loud, ostentatious community whose voice and groundbreaking exploits can be heard and seen from Space.
Luos are notoriously flashy , bombastic and annoyingly self-assured.
Also, they've historically been locked in some decades-long supremacy war with their arch-rivals the Kikuyu over an array of issues that include (and are it limited to) land, political supremacy and national leadership.
It's a rivalry that no tribe seems to want to lose. And a war that just keeps getting thicker. And thicker.
But really, the Luo tribe has often being disparaged and called out for a couple things they're (in)famous for. But they've always stood by their two feet - and refused to cower. Or tone down.
Even the Luo have things they ain't sorry about. They can be vacuously irritating. And viscerally intimidating. As we see here.
1. Our Class Pffff. The Luo have class. We ain't even going to apologize for that. We've been the classiest in the room for the longest time. We don't settle for a beat, rundown Peugeot with a tattered body and faded color. We either show up in the best Benz in town. Or we walk. Our suits and our tuxedos and our dresses to ooze nothing but class. We make calls on our iPhones. Not those bulky, Luthuli Avenue gadgets you guys are obsessed with. And if it ain't the Samsungs or the SONYs,that ain't entertainment to us. It's either we make a classy statement or sit the hell at home. No mediocre.
Fleet of high-end cars Photo/China Daily
2. Our Brains Look at all the Professors in town. Across all top Campuses. It's us. We are the masters of the brain. We've got the biggest titles across these streets. We're surgeons and pilots and doctors and university dons. We're just too mentally endowed. It's maybe because we were brought up eating fish. Or maybe because, we're just on our Albert Einstein. Superior IQ.
3. Our Self-worth Say what you may, bimbos. We ain't even gonna tone down what we feel about ourselves to accommodate your little, shaky personalities. We're confident in who we are. And what we are. We could be the poorest villagers or we could be living in palaces. One thing doesn't change - our sense of self worth. No one has more confidence in themselves than us. We walk tall and walk proud. Being from our community has never been a better moment. You call it pride, we call it confidence. No apologies.
Proud Luo girl Photo/Courtesy
4. Our Language Listen to yourselves talking. And then, listen to us. Now compare. Our language is downright sexy. I mean, we're the only tribe that can successfully construct a fluent sentence in Luo, Swahili and English and it's still perfect. It flows like the River Nile. Nothing's as beautiful as hearing us speak. OK,the British accent is the greatest in the World. And then ours. Donge?
5. Our Women Hahaha. I heard the girls from the Mountainous province are gorgeous!? Oh really? Well, how about a sexy authentic African woman who can cook, protect her home, rock that body, guard herself and light up a fire in bed? That's the Luo girl. Besides the curvaceous bodies our girls have, these girls can sure make excellent wives. And leave you sweating like a Roman warrior in bed.
Classy man /Courtesy
6. Our Fashion Style Walk around this city. Walk into any high-end party. Check out our Instagram. Attend any glitzy party in Hurlingham. You'll find us, dressed to the nines. Killing it and rocking the freshest, flyest style. We don't just throw on a random checked shirt and some pale, ruffian-style jeans. We invest in our look. We dress sharp. Have sharp haircuts and our shoes will be slaying from sunrise to sunset. We're the Nigerians in this shit.
7. Our English Proficiency Don't even trip, you know we can pull off the sleekest English presentation this side of the Sahara. Sure, English, as they say, ilikuja na meli. But that's not reason enough for the rest of you to fail to at least get it right and assimilate it in your systems. Dude, we can not only outspeak you in English we can beffudle you with the most complex, deep vocabularies off the top of our heads. There's a meme going round that says, That perfectly applies to us. Just watch our Waheshimiwas in Parliament. We ace all debates like the linguists we are.
Tom Mboya on the cover of Time Magazine Photo/TIME
8. Political PotencyThe Kikuyu may hog the Presidency... But it never comes easy. We've been on top of our political game for decades now. (Thanks Agwambo. ) We've rattled the political scene harder than a rattle snake. We've been in and out of the dungeons to bring you guys the freedom and space you enjoy today. Some of our brightest political stars are from our community. And we're notoriously hardcore and ruffian. You just don't shush us. Can't shush us. We gave you Tom Mboya. And Jaramogi. And Raila. And Orengo. And Argwings Kodhek. And Obama. I could keep the list going and going but are you ready ready for it?
9. Our Artistic Talents Can we leave this whole point at Lupita Nyong'o? Just that? Maybe not. No? Fine. We can carry on. Some of the biggest film and music stars are from our community. We made them. We rap like bush fire and are stars on the films. The biggest rap stars of 2016 as we speak are all luo. Khaligraph Jones. Octopizzo. Vicmass Luodollar. Rabbit. The biggest afro-fusion stars are from us. Heck, we gave you the legendary Suzanne Owiyo. Even the biggest TV stars are still ours. We've dominated the entertainment field like ants in a desert. Say what you may about Larry Madowo. But he's proudly ours. I could go on. And on. But please.... I've already made my point.
TOMORROW: 8 Things The Kalenjin Should Never Apologize For.
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