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Love is a complex emotional experience sometimes. On one hand, there are people telling you the signs of a healthy relationship and that love is a certain way, and on the other hand, there's that voice inside you that tells you what love is. Well, it is not really a voice but more of a feeling or emotion.
According to relationship guru Mark Manson, emotions are terrible indicators of what is good for us. In fact, they tend to be good indicators of what is bad for us when it comes to relationships.
In one instance, a relationship expert and psychologist Nicole LePera said that some people respond to abuse or neglect from a partner by loving that abusive and emotionally unavailable partner even more.
These personal and interpersonal dynamics can complicate relationships and create illusions of love where it isn't.
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Here are some of the signs that someone doesn't love you or isn't ready to.
On and off again
“Being on-and-off repeatedly with a partner may indicate that issues exist that are unresolvable,” Laurel Steinberg, Ph.D., New York-based clinical sexologist and relationship therapist told The Chill Times. Since the unresolved issues keep getting in the way, it may seem like they are hindering the love between you. However, love needs stability to bloom and be of any benefit to those involved. However, on-and-off-again relationships can work if there's no emotional or mental pain and both partners have their needs met.
Jealousy
A sprinkle at times is good and even expected in healthy relationships. But too much jealousy and possessiveness are not to be taken as a sign of passion much less of love. They are usually signs of insecurity coupled with an inability or fear to commit. They can also harbour violence and tendencies to be emotionally abusive.
Not wanting you to move on
If he doesn't want to commit to you but sabotages your attempts to move on, that is not a sign of his devotion. Being devoted outside a relationship is in poor taste, not to mention that it raises the question of why he cannot do it inside a relationship. This behaviour can be misleading and create patterns where you sabotage your relationships because you are waiting for someone else.
Having so many memories
Memories are just that, they don't hold much water unless they are contributing to a relationship. Yes, you might be giving up on too much history between you two but him holding on without giving you what you want is not love. He might be in love with the idea of two together but it doesn't mean he loves you.
Choosing you over someone else
Any relationship can work no matter how it started as long as the couple involved works together to make it so. Regardless of how you meet or start, accompanying decisions and commitments have to be in place to make the relationship work. So someone choosing you over another is not a sign of love. It might feel good but it is not the whole picture. He has to continuously choose you and you him.