#YouthMtaani: Why judge Carol Mwatha? I have done 4 abortions & I’m not ashamed

I scammed my parents and managed to get Sh7,000 for that procedure and I was given a clean bill of health. As for Peter, I was done! Once bitten, twice shy they say.

Before the year was over, I was pregnant again. This time as a result of having sex without a condom or taking any prescribed contraceptive. My stupid self was only relying on Postinor-2 every time I had sex. Sadly, these little pieces of shit fail if you take them more than twice in a year. Yes, just in case you think you're safe, I’m giving you that little piece of information for free.

This second time I did not bother telling the sperm donor. However, he found out. It was a friend with benefits situation. This man was kind enough to give me support and he promised to stand by me regardless of any decision I make. I knew I wasn't ready to be anybody's mother or baby mother.

Unsafe abortions are rampant in Kenya Unsafe abortions are rampant in Kenya Pulse Live Kenya

I asked my friends where they had gotten their abortion procedures done and they were happy to take me. So they made appointments with the doctor and I visited the clinic. A very posh one to say the truth. Damages were Sh16,000 plus medication and my “impregnator” took care of it. He even had me at his place. Cooked very nice tasty meals for me and nursed me back to health.

My Trip to South Africa with a divorced Millionaire

We are still friends to this day, however, we don't speak on what happened that day.

My third and fourth time I was impregnated by some divorced millionaire. I was in the fourth year. He took me to Johannesburg, South Africa for a trip. We had a conversation and I can remember him telling me he was so fertile and he hoped I was on a contraceptive. I told him I wasn't on any because hadn't been sexually active for a while.

Not to worry, he said. We'll get you the morning after pill. I protested and told him about my experience with them. How they had failed before and I ended up having to get an abortion. I was honest with him. With older guys honesty goes a long way until the day it's used against you in the court of opinion.

And like a prophecy I was pregnant the third time. I told my millionaire boyfriend who was very supportive of me having a child and signing a one-off Non-disclosure agreement as part of the child support agreement. I gave it a thought and hated the idea of having to relinquish my freedom at the hands of this man. He was giving me good money for upkeep. I took the money made an appointment with the doctor and had my third abortion.

Unsafe abortions are rampant in Kenya Unsafe abortions are rampant in Kenya Pulse Live Kenya

"I've had an abortion," I texted him.

"Where are you?" he asked.

"At the clinic," I replied.

"Send me a pin of your location, IMMEDIATELY," he commanded, and I obliged.

He came to the clinic and was ushered to the room I was in. I've never seen someone get so disgusted by me. The ride to his house was quiet and long. Cold glances were all he could afford to give me. He had his househelp and my doctor to nurse me back to health and then we had the dreaded conversation.

The Psychological Burden that comes with abortion and the Effects

Let me explain to you what goes on after you have an abortion. The psychological burden cannot be explained because for me, I’d rather not think about it. I don’t want the moralistic questions, My mind is already too convoluted to process what 4 abortions really means, so I won’t get into that. The physical, however, was dreadful.

A lot of bleeding which would go on for three days and sometimes a week. The loss of blood can leave you nauseated which it did to me. My appetite was highly affected and I would often feel dizzy. I weigh about 57kgs but the procedure would make me lose weight too.

Apart from all these side effects, my abdomen would hurt and I would experience cramps. Terrible cramps and I mean worse than normal period cramps. This would happen the first day after having the abortion. So, ladies and gentlemen, I was putting my life on the line every time. How I survived this is still miraculous to me.

I always pride myself at being honest. My honesty is on the basis of the US army's policy of don't ask don't tell. If you don't ask me, I will not tell you hence I will not lie.

He hated that I made the decision to abort the pregnancy without consulting him. We had an in-depth conversation about what I had gone through with my previous abortions and he suggested that I see someone, a psychologist. Maybe get therapy for the experience. I turned down the offer.

Five months down the line I was scheduled to go get the IUD (intrauterine device, or coil) as a contraceptive since I was still seeing the millionaire. The relationship was serious. I had clothes and other items at his duplex apartment. I had a key too, so it was serious. We flew to Egypt for a small holiday and we came back a day early because I had the appointment with my gynaecologist.

That morning we couldn't keep our hands off each other and baby number four was conceived. The IUD stopped nothing. I did not take the P2. Absurd it may sound but it's true. This time I said nothing, i had the IUD removed and the abortion performed. He thought I was having my periods. I asked him if the offer to seek therapy was still on the table.

I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after the Fourth abortion

He paid for my therapy and I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event. The Psych also said I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, this is when you feel excessive, unrealistic worry and tension with little or no reason.

My former roommate encouraged me to seek therapy since she was also heading to rehab as an alcoholic.

Unsafe abortions are still rampant in Kenya Unsafe abortions are still rampant in Kenya Pulse Live Kenya

So, as we want to judge Ms Mwatha for making the decision to have an abortion, keep in mind that women are sometimes pushed by the need to keep a man, please a man and save a home for the kids. What Ms Mwatha was thinking we shall never know but as Jesus Christ said, 'let he who is without sin be the first to cast a stone.'

Today I wouldn't do an abortion. However, every day atleast seven women and girls die while procuring unsafe abortions. That is about 2,600 women and girls every year. This should be listed as a matter of national security. Kenya needs to stop acting like Pharisees and face this monster of abortions done in dingy alleys where the doctors are not even qualified.

Maybe it's time Kenya legalized safe abortions.

Note: The Narrator of the story has requested anonymity