Sorry, not Sorry. 8 Things Kikuyus should never apologize about

Tribal rivalries will probably never end in this beautiful land we call home.

 

Sometimes, in the heat of things, these rivalries take a nasty turn that plunge us into bloody tussles fueled by the political elite.

But what should be a celebration of our differences and uniqueness should not really be the source of so much clashes and mass extermination.

Despite what the politics of the day dictate, what the media portrays, what the loudest you on the campaign podium yells and what the tribal radio spews, our communities will never escape one glaring reality - the fact that we ain't built the same, don't subscribe to the same culture, have our own unique peculiarities and special strengths and traits which will never change.

Often, you may be expected to be sorry or regretful of who you are and what you do but no, weren't sorry for being who we are. And doing what we do.

Some things are just inherent to some tribes. And that's just the way things are.

8 Things Kikuyus Should Never Apologize About

1. Our Entrepreneurial Spirit You just can't take this away from us. It's just who we are. Who we've been and who we can't stop being. From Naivasha to Narok to Nanyuki, we've put up shop and continue to put up shop on all corners. We've infiltrated the cities and the towns, spread our financial tentacles across the entire Country, dipped our hands into every imaginable trade, expanded our commercial horizons from Coast to Coast and ruled the world of business like Russian tsars. It's who we are. Furious business moguls.

2. Our Numbers (Population) You just can't take that from us. Just can't. We've spread out like the Ocean sand from the valleys of the East to the Mountains of the West. We're everywhere. We're the biggest, most formidable tribe and our numbers fill up the land in their millions. Everyday, new sons and daughters are added to our already burgeoning population and it's just what it is. We're the biggest tribe in terms of sheer numbers. And that may never change. Ever.

3. Our Food We've received alot of flak for our food which, the rest of you, consider trashy, shoddy and less than delicious. Yes, we know it. We wish there is something we could do to make our women prepare something more palatable. We wish we weren't so obsessed with soup and potatoes and cabbages and tomatoes. We have never quite gotten it right in the kitchen. We probably never will. It's sad. But we've accepted that our culinary skills are as good as Uhuru's ability to effectively fight corruption.

4. Our Women Bro, show me better girls. From any tribe. We produce the best girls. No, seriously. All the pretty little lightskinned damsels are our product. They may not have the big butts and all that curviness but they sure come looking like a lot Italian flower garden. Look around, the most gorgeous girls in town... Are Kikuyu girls. Absolute showstoppers.

5. Our IndustriousnessWe're hard workers. Hard mathafakin' workers. We don't laze around. Don't wake up at 11am to catch a movie and whip up scrambled eggs. We wake up earlier than a cockerel. And even before the crack of dawn, we're already in town running errands, opening up our stalls, doing deliveries and pushing bread. Hard work is our second name. Like ants,we don't sleep. Just don't. Gotta push up the hassle.

6. Our Omnipresence Like, dude, we're allover the place. We're in Loitoktok and we're in Kilifi and we're in Busia. We're just littered across the expanse like summer birds. We're in the valleys and on the hills. We're your neighbors and we're even across the borders. We've been asked to lie low like envelops before. And we all know how that worked out.

7. Our Capitalism OK,this is just a little polite word instead of, eeer, greed. We've been accused of being a piglike, gluttonous bunch. And we really have no defence. We're constantly hankering after a good deal. Constantly looking out for a chance to eat. We're always out to get a coin. We just want to keep pocketing and pocketing and pocketing some more. We just never have enough. We're a terrible, insatiable lot that just wants more and more. Our biggest drive is the sound of the coin. And we won't stop till we've amassed as much as we possibly, shamelessly can.

8. Our Political Supremacy Admit it, we call the political shots. Don't even trip. The first Era of Presidency was ours. We lost it for some quarter century before we repossessed it. We just endured another decade of a Kikuyu Presidency. And as we speak right now, we're not only under a Kikuyu leadership, we might end up with the same arrangement as from 2017. We've always being at the top of national decision making. I'm not saying we make fantastic leaders. I'm just saying, we're like always at the helm. Always man.

TOMORROW : Sorry, Not Sorry. 8 Things Luos Should Never Apologize About

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