Ciru Muriuki - What grief has really taught me about loss & healing

Media personality Ciru Muriuki has opened up about her deeply personal journey with grief, sharing an honest reflection on how losing two of the closest people in her life changed her understanding of pain, identity and resilience.

Speaking on her Instagram, Ciru explained that it was not until she lost her father and later her partner, Charles Ouda, that she truly came to understand what it means to grieve and to grow through grief.

Her first true encounter with grief

Ciru shared that she previously believed she understood grief because she had experienced loss before. However, losing her father in 2020 altered her understanding entirely.

“Before 2020, I had no idea what grief was. I thought I did because I'd lost family members… Then my dad died,” she said.

Her relationship with her father was particularly close, something she described with emotional clarity.

“My dad and I were very close. I'm like the classic daddy's girl… my dad was my person.”

His death was sudden, he contracted COVID-19 and passed shortly after, leaving Ciru devastated.

This loss, she explained, was the first time she experienced the full weight of grief, something no previous loss had ever prepared her for.

Losing Charlie

Just as she was learning to live with the pain of losing her father, Ciru was forced once again into mourning when her partner, actor and director Charlie Ouda, passed away in 2023.

“That grief, where? That was my first true experience with grief until last year when we lost Charlie,” she said, describing how she found herself “back again in the thick of things.”

The emotional burden of losing two of the most important people in her life, in such a short period, forced Ciru to confront her pain all over again.

Grief is not linear

Ciru reflected on one of the most common misconceptions about grief, that it follows a neat, step-by-step process.

Many people believe the stages of grief progress from denial to acceptance in a straight line. For Ciru, this was far from the truth.

“Before I went through grief, I thought these things were linear… Grief taught me that you could feel all those feelings in the span of a minute,” she explained.

She described grief as something that moves unpredictably, shifting rapidly between emotions such as anger, denial and acceptance.

“You can go from anger back to denial. One second you feel like you're accepting it, the next, you're depressed.”

Why the second year of grief hurts more

Another powerful insight Ciru shared was that the second year of grief often hurts more than the first.

While the first year is consumed by shock, emotional numbness and the support of others, the second year introduces a more intense emotional weight.

“The first year of grief, you're in survival mode,” she explained, noting that the real emotional processing begins once the numbness fades.

She added that social support often declines in the second year, as people assume the bereaved have healed.

“Year two, people are thinking, surely she should be over it by now… you're left alone.”

This loneliness, combined with the full force of reality, can be overwhelming without support systems such as therapy, prayer or strong relationships.

The lessons grief has taught her

Despite the pain, Ciru shared that grief has shaped her into a more compassionate and self-aware person.

“I have learned so much about myself because of grief,” she said.

She spoke of patience, empathy and a deeper understanding of others’ struggles. The emotional expansion that came from suffering has made her more gentle in how she sees and treats people.

“I have so much more care for people because I have encountered such deep personal pain.”

Although she makes it clear she would never wish grief on anyone, she acknowledged its transformative impact: