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The Kalenjin community is one of the largest ethnic group in Kenya and one that holds its traditions and customs—especially when it comes to marriage.
For the Kalenjin, marriage is not just a union between two individuals but a sacred bond that ties families and clans together.
Although aspects of the process have evolved over time—such as the dressing styles and the fading use of traditional liquor—the core values of honour, respect, and family remain deeply rooted.
Here is a detailed look at the stages of a traditional Kalenjin marriage ceremony, from the proposal to the tying of the union.
Stage one: The proposal and family introduction
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Marriage begins with a formal proposal, where the groom expresses his intention to marry the bride. Following this, the groom’s family organises an official visit to the bride’s home.
This initial meeting involves more than just immediate family—it includes uncles, aunts, grandparents, and even neighbours. Their presence shows the seriousness and communal nature of the union.
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During this visit, both families introduce themselves and begin preliminary dowry discussions.
A crucial part of this meeting is sharing clan names (oret) and animal totems (tiondo) to avoid the taboo of marrying within the same clan. These traditions ensure that lineage and family honour are preserved.
In some situations, however, the couple may already be living together or the bride may be pregnant before any formal arrangements have been made.
In such cases, the groom’s family is required to offer a formal apology during the visit. This act is known as sikiyet, a cultural gesture that expresses regret for bypassing tradition.
The apology often includes symbolic gifts or livestock as a way of acknowledging the oversight and showing respect to the bride’s family. Only after this act of restitution can the union proceed to the next stage.
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READ ALSO: 5 stages of a Kikuyu traditional marriage
Stage two: Koito – The engagement ceremony
Once the proposal and any necessary apologies are addressed, families plan for koito, the traditional engagement ceremony.
This is one of the most critical stages, where dowry negotiations are finalised. The groom’s extended family, sometimes even the entire clan, participates in the ceremony to demonstrate unity and commitment.
During the koito, both families continue to interact and get to know each other more deeply. The bride’s family often emphasises that dowry is not a price, but an appreciation for raising a daughter with values and character.
Dowry is traditionally paid in livestock such as cows, sheep, and goats, though the specific number and type may vary across the Kalenjin sub-tribes.
Once the dowry is agreed upon, a celebration usually follows, with food, dance, and traditional songs that honour both families. This formalises the engagement and sets the stage for the final union.
Stage 3: Ratet – The wedding ceremony
The final stage of the traditional wedding is ratet, which literally means “tying.” This ceremony marks the couple’s official marriage and often happens at night, giving it a sacred and intimate atmosphere.
At this point, the bride’s family visits the groom’s home to escort their daughter and confirm that the dowry agreement has been honoured.
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The bride’s father, dressed in a traditional animal-skin cloak and carrying a ceremonial stick, takes centre stage.
He walks alongside the groom to inspect the dowry livestock and personally marks each animal to certify the exchange.
The main wedding ceremony takes place indoors. Traditionally, a decorated pot of beer sits at the centre of the room, surrounded by elders and the couple.
However, due to religious and modern influences, traditional alcohol is often replaced by symbolic alternatives or removed altogether.
The couple sits opposite each other as the officiating elder chants blessings. A sacred grass plait, known as segutyet, is anointed with butter and used during the ritual.
Sacred leaves from the korosek plant are waved around the couple four times as a sign of spiritual cleansing and unity.
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The final act involves tying the bride’s and groom’s hands with the buttered segutyet, symbolising commitment, fidelity, and the beginning of their life together.
Once this sacred ritual concludes, the community joins in an all-night celebration with food, dance, and song.
Modern influences and cultural evolution
While Kalenjin marriage customs remain strong, modern lifestyles have influenced certain practices. Young couples increasingly integrate church or civil weddings after the koito.
Traditional beer is often excluded in favour of soft drinks or symbolic gestures. Clothing, once made from animal skins, has given way to modern outfits with cultural designs.