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The Mijikenda are a coastal Bantu ethnic group in Kenya, comprising nine sub-tribes: the Giriama, Digo, Duruma, Chonyi, Kambe, Kauma, Rabai, Ribe, and Jibana.
They primarily inhabit the coastal counties of Kilifi, Kwale, and parts of Mombasa. While each sub-tribe has its unique traits, their traditional marriage customs are remarkably similar, reflecting shared values and a deeply rooted cultural heritage.
Below is a step-by-step guide to how traditional marriage was and still is in some places practised among the Mijikenda.
1. Preparation for marriage (Kukomaa)
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Marriage was not open to just anyone. Boys had to undergo circumcision, a rite of passage from boyhood to manhood, which remains a mandatory practice among the Mijikenda.
Girls, typically between the ages of 16 and 20, would attend training sessions organised by elder women to prepare them for future roles as wives, mothers, and community women.
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2. Finding a spouse (Kusaka Mwana)
There were several culturally accepted ways in which couples would meet. One way was through matchmaking by parents, where a mother would present her daughter at community gatherings to attract potential suitors.
Another way involved mutual agreement between the children, even if their parents had already arranged the match.
Sometimes, young men were advised by their fathers to seek wives independently at social events like funerals or traditional dance competitions such as Sengenya and Mabumbumbu.
Families of reputable status, especially in farming, were preferred because agriculture was seen as noble and a sign of a hardworking potential wife.
3. Marriage proposal and wine ceremony (Kadzama ya Uchi wa Mnazi)
Once a girl accepted a proposal, the groom's parents would visit her home carrying eight bottles of palm wine (uchi wa mnazi).
This visit marked the start of formal negotiations. The wine was placed in the house and brought out once both sets of elders reached an understanding.
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The girl would then be asked 'uno uchi ni wahani?' (Whose wine is this?) and 'should we drink this wine?'. By naming her intended husband and allowing her parents to drink, she accepted the proposal.
She would kneel to pour the wine into a mboko (goblet), an act called uchi wa vindi, symbolising her parents’ struggles in raising her. She sipped the wine or passed it to her father, who poured a bit as a libation before drinking it himself.
4. Bride price and family bonding (Mahari)
Following the acceptance of the wine, the man's family and the bride's family would engage in discussions about dowry. This was a gesture of appreciation to the bride’s family and a step toward uniting the two households.
Although gifts and money were given before the actual wedding, further items like food and traditional utensils could be exchanged on the wedding day.
5. Wedding ceremony (Kuhaswa)
On the wedding day, the bride would arrive at the groom's home early and secretly enter through the kitchen to be introduced to his ancestors.
The groom would wear a cowhide and carry a bow (uta) to symbolise his strength and ability to protect his wife.
The bride wore a rinda and leso around her waist, which were given to her by her somo (mentor), and was decorated (mapambo) by her aunts.
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During the ceremony, the bride served food to the groom and guests, beginning by inviting her husband to wash her hands.
She served water in a kaha, starting with her husband and continuing to other guests. This act of service symbolised the forming of a new bond between the families.
The ceremony was officiated by a senior elder who offered a voya (prayer) to bless the couple. The couple also received blessings from both families, including a symbolic ritual where fathers-in-law spat water onto the chests of the bride and groom to mark unity and purity.
6. Farewell and integration (Kukuwa nyumbani kwa bwana)
After the kuhaswa, farewell songs were sung to bid the bride goodbye as she left her natal home. These songs reminded her that she now belonged to her husband’s family.
She carried firewood to cook for her husband on their wedding night and was given chiga (steak) to roast for him. She also had to grind maize using a kinu and iwalwa, showing she was hardworking and ready for marriage.
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7. Post-marriage guidance (Ushauri wa nyumbani kwa bwana)
For three days after the wedding, the bride's grandmothers stayed with her to advise her on cleanliness, respect, and faithfulness (kuzuia uzinzi). They also offered guidance on marital intimacy and how to care for her husband.
After these days, they returned home, and the couple could then share a bed.
Days later, the groom would send a message to the bride’s grandmothers saying, 'whahindira mhunga wangu', a metaphor confirming that the bride was a virgin, a source of pride and honour in Mijikenda culture.