Stop looking for excuses to slut shame women

When news that Daddy Owen’s wife had moved on to a tycoon and that Daddy Owen had been out of a job for a while came out, my first thought was, “...ahh! that’s another marriage down the drain.”

Michael-B-Jordan-and-Lori-Harvey-pack-on-PDA-in-990x660

A few weeks ago, Lori Harvey posted an Instagram picture solidifying her relationship with Michael B. Jordan, that sent the internet into a frenzy. Something interesting that caught my eye was a comment insinuating that she had definitely read and re-read Steve Harvey’s ‘Act Like a Lady and Think Like a Man’, because the pool of men she has dated these past couple of years has been commendable.

In his book, Steve mentions the three ways a man shows he loves a woman {the P’s of love} namely; to protect, provide, and to profess. Now, I know you will probably roll your eyes a couple of times throughout this article (if you have not already), but believe it or not, as we all claim to be Millenials, there is a good chance some of these things worked.

When news that Daddy Owen’s wife had moved on to a tycoon and that Daddy Owen had been out of a job for a while came out, my first thought was, “...ahh! that’s another marriage down the drain.” But then this reminded me of yet something else Steve tried to explain in one of his ‘Ask Steve’ segments. Traditionally, the man of the house was the sole provider. So many cultures have gone on to maintain most of these values especially in West Africa (whether the woman works or not), while most have tried so hard to bash this very idea calling it patriarchal.

The 21st century woman is independent, decisive, a go-getter, career oriented and most of them very aggressive in reaching their dreams. But as a 21st century woman, there is still part of me that loves a man who can spoil me with love, affection, attention… you name it. I for sure, like a man I can debate with without necessarily feeling like I'm threatening his manhood.

According to me, a man that can calm my wild side, automatically becomes tenfold more attractive. Women love a provider (I can’t stress this enough) and this is not in the ‘nitumie pesa ya uber’ kind of way; it’s in the ‘what can I do to make this new phase of your life bearable’ kinda way.

Here is where a slight difference comes in, when a woman loses her job she has many different outlets, that’s just how we are. Men on the other side…withdraw. Men are instinctively meant to provide. Society expects a man to provide, black tax expects a man to hold his end of the bargain, the pressure builds up and so for a man who doesn’t handle pressure well, he crashes. This crash could entail anything from low self-esteem to violence to depression to alcoholism.

This pity party could take anything from a month, 6 months, or even years. Let’s not forget the woman enduring this pity party. The ideal would be to stay but we all have a threshold. Women take longer to make an exit because our bullshit tolerance is shockingly through the roof. Society has wired women to stay with cheating men because apparently men are not monogamous beings (moment of silence). So you are told to understand him as long as he comes back home to you, stay in an unhappy marriage for the children and worse off, endure abuse and pray for change. It takes a lot of balls for a woman to gather the courage to walk away. That being said, hats off to all the women out there who got out the door, however long it took. One more thing, remember we only got a tiny fraction of the story.

Therefore, whoever has no sin, let him cast the first stone.

[The opinions expressed in this article are not of Pulse Live Kenya, but of Polet Njeri Ouma]

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