What to do when parents are against your relationship

Here's the solution

sad couple(Psychology Today)

What would you do if you fell in love with someone and your parents disapproved your relationship due to cultural, religious or ethnic differences? Do you choose your spouse over your parents or do you forget about your fiancée and choose family?

There are parents who don’t care wherever you get your partner from so long as you are happy. But there are those who strictly warn you against marrying people from a certain region or culture. The heart being what it is, sometimes you end up falling in love with someone from that culture that your parents are so much against. So what happens if you find yourself in such a situation?

Expert advice

Family and relationship therapist Grace Kariuki confesses that she has had to handle such cases severally. And, she admits that whichever way you choose, things can get better or worse.

“I have seen couples succeed on either side. There are those who went ahead and married against parents’ will and have had a successful marriage and parents got on board eventually. There are those also who called it quit, found other people and were happy. But there are also those who did either and were unhappy.” This expert tells Pulselive.

Follow your heart

Bearing this in mind, Grace advises that the decision is solely on the hands of the couple. It’s the two of you to decide what is best for your relationship. She however adds that it is important to walk with a relationship expert through the process of deciding what is good for both of you.

If you happen to choose each other and disregard your parent’s opinions, Grace says that you must ensure you both have a strong relationship that can withstand the pressure that follows. Also, you will need to protect each other from family attacks and ensure that those attacks do not ruin your relationship.

Openness and objectivity

“If parents don't like your choice because of just ethnic reasons, then you would need to be objective and ask yourself what the fear of going against what they want would mean to you.” Says Grace.

If you are afraid that your parents will disown you or that you won’t have their blessings in your marriage, talk about it openly to your partner. Let them know how important it is to you before you commit. This will prevent you from being haunted by thoughts that you are probably going through a hard time in future because your parents never approved of your relationship.


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