Sometimes we think that ending an affair is as easy as telling your mpango wa kando it’s over. But that’s not it. Some people try to end the affair but they don’t find it easy. If your partner has been in an affair for years now, it’s possible that they have tried several times to quit but have not managed to.
According to the family therapist and marriage counsellor Grace Kariuki, the below are some of the reasons as to why people find it difficult to end an affair:
1. Emotional benefits
This means there’s an emotional deficiency within you or a void that your partner isn’t filling.
“For instance, the need to feel connected and the need to feel that you are important to someone. Maybe you have always felt that you are not good enough. Then, this affair comes in and it gives you the feeling that the person gets you, feels you, and you don’t have to choose words when speaking with them.”
According to Grace, it becomes difficult to leave the only person you feel understands you and makes you feel important.
2. Fear of facing the issues in their marriage
To start with, there must be a reason that led the person into the affair. Ending the affair means you have to face and address the issues in your marriage and this is not always easy. This expert notes that people in affairs find a solace there and they use it to avoid the challenges in their marriage. As such, some people will prefer to stay in the affair and use it for solace.
“I have met spouses who had no idea that their spouse was having an affair because everything looked okay. What they didn’t know was that this person was feeling and acting okay because they were finding comfort and vitality somewhere else” says Grace.
Another reason as to why people find it hard to end an affair is because they don’t want to hurt others. This expert notes that phlegmatic sanguines, for instance, may find it difficult because they always want to make others happy and tend to feel guilty if they wound someone. It’s why you see some people asking their spouses to give them time to put to end the affair because they do not want to heartbreak their mpango wa kando.
This is when someone decides to stick in the affair simply because they are trying to prove to their partner that they are not doing anything wrong. Even when they know that they are cheating, they will insist that they are not doing so because their ego is too big. They do not want to admit that they are wrong.