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Claudia says 5 reasons why people cut off their families

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Enstrangement is devastating especially when unexplained.

play Cutting off people (Courtesy)

QUESTION:

"After I hit 18, I told my parents that I was moving out. I had been saving all through high school.

It’s not that I hate them or anything, my parents have been expecting a lot from me and while many would say that it’s just because they want the best for me, it took a wrong turn the minute they started getting physical when I fail to achieve something to their exact expectation.

I wasn’t motivated any longer, the only thing that was driving me to work hard and pass in school was so that I didn’t have to nurse bruises all through the holidays.

Still, I did. Emotional bruises that made me feel small and incompetent even when I was leading the school in all subjects.

A teacher helped me make that decision. She talked me through my savings process, ho to plan myself and even promised to give me a job right after school, which she did.

My parents were devastated. It’s been three years since it happened but they still believe that my leaving was my being ungrateful.

They refused to speak to me ever again and have now cut me out of their lives. It wasn’t out of hate that I left, I love them dearly and I needed my space to make my own decisions without living in fear. I am happier and I refused to go back.

Why can’t they understand that all I want is their support and my space?"

Response,

Sorry for what you’re going through. Families can be messy at times and what’s happening is very painful. Getting cut off from family can make one feel shame, confusion, stress, and sometimes even depression and a feeling of being disempowered.

People cut off family for months, weeks or even for a lifetime. There are various reasons why. Maybe you can identify what and call them to discuss it.

play People walk awayfor various reasons (Courtesy)

 

Set your number on private and make that phone call. It’s better than a text and the surprise may give you the chance to state your case and hopefully win it.

Meanwhile, here’s a few reasons why they may have made that decision.

1. It's hereditary

Some people adapt the idea to cut off people from what they have seen with their own families when angered or disappointment. After watching your family cut off others, you may do the same when faced with a similar situation

2. To show dominance

People exert their high level of power and control by cutting off others.  It can be used as a sign of dominance as the person is showing their ability to isolate another from the rest. By cutting off people, the person exerts their high level of power and control.

3. Escaping toxic situations

It’s human nature to tire of a person’s behaviors. This may make relatives hopeless that their relationship with the person is a depletive cost to them. They may start by phasing out a relative and then handily place this person on the "do not interact with" list because one can only handle so much.

play Walking away from toxic relationships (Courtesy)

 

4. Avoiding the past

Cutting off family may also be a defense mechanism to protect one’s self from haunting pasts they prefer to not remember.

There are so many cases of father’s cutting off their children as they remind them of their dead beloved wife and such. It could also be because of something embarrassing, cutting off people is a chance to rewrite history without having anyone around to remind you of what happened before.

5. A sign of loyalty

Picture this: A son who is considered the black sheep of the family is denounced by his father. The mother whoever caring she maybe may also have to cut off her son from her life as a sign of loyalty to her husband. It could also be being forced to choose between a spouse and family.

It could also be unresolved issues, financial issues, abuse or simply lacking the ability to reconcile after conflicts.

Still, finding base is possible if you are patient and enough of a nag. All the best.

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