6 ways to successfully destroy your relationship as a man

As a man, you are often required by society to live up to certain expectations. Furthermore, you are supposed to captain any love ship you are involved in.

Here are six ways, as a man, to not break a sweat while wrecking a relationship.

1. Command attention

You want to be updated on every single thing she does. You would ace being a customer care attendant with the way you are always calling.

The child in you wants to be pampered and tended to every now and then. You simply just can’t get her off your case. Your world revolves around her keeping tabs on you.

2. Don’t leave out any details

She knows everything there is to know about you. She like a Catholic priest in a confession box - knows all your stinking bad secrets.

You hang out with the boys, she decides the beer you’ll drink. The office administrator winks at you, off you go reporting like she’s a darn police station. Your little savings account balance is memorized not by you but by her. You simply don’t have any solitude!

3. Have no backbone, say yes to everything

You are good at nodding your big head in consent. You treat her like a rich spoilt brat who’s an only child.

You are no activist so you don’t protest. She would find you watching a football match, change to a soap opera and you’d just smile as if it’s okay. She does something wrong, you act up all like a nice guy apologising instead of throwing tantrums.

On Fridays, coincidentally her grandmother’s heifer often falls sick and you just encourage her to go see it as if she were a Vet.

4. Don’t fulfill your promises

Legend has it, women are like loan shylocks when you subconsciously promise her that vacation in Lamu, and yet your pockets run deep and dry.

She will bombard you with reminders like a buzzing alarm every morning. You would be promising in good faith but the trio of memory, time and financial muscles turn things to worse.

5. Relax your boundaries

You don’t have any ground rules. She can just overstep freely like a mother-in-law. She fends over any of your deal breakers with a lame you only live once (YOLO) consolation.

You let her skip the restraints like they’re ads in a video but lurking around is an unprecedented dumping.