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6 ways to successfully destroy your relationship, as a man

Here are six ways, as a man, to not break a sweat while wrecking a relationship

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Being an alpha male is tough, like visiting a fancy hotel and ignoring the urge to take photos for social media validation.

As a man, you are often required by society to live up to certain expectations. Furthermore, you are supposed to captain any love ship you are involved in.

Here are six ways, as a man, to not break a sweat while wrecking a relationship.

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You want to be updated on every single thing she does. You would ace being a customer care attendant with the way you are always calling.

The child in you wants to be pampered and tended to every now and then. You simply just can’t get her off your case. Your world revolves around her keeping tabs on you.

She knows everything there is to know about you. She like a Catholic priest in a confession box - knows all your stinking bad secrets.

You hang out with the boys, she decides the beer you’ll drink. The office administrator winks at you, off you go reporting like she’s a darn police station. Your little savings account balance is memorized not by you but by her. You simply don’t have any solitude!

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You are good at nodding your big head in consent. You treat her like a rich spoilt brat who’s an only child.

You are no activist so you don’t protest. She would find you watching a football match, change to a soap opera and you’d just smile as if it’s okay. She does something wrong, you act up all like a nice guy apologising instead of throwing tantrums.

On Fridays, coincidentally her grandmother’s heifer often falls sick and you just encourage her to go see it as if she were a Vet.

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Legend has it, women are like loan shylocks when you subconsciously promise her that vacation in Lamu, and yet your pockets run deep and dry.

She will bombard you with reminders like a buzzing alarm every morning. You would be promising in good faith but the trio of memory, time and financial muscles turn things to worse.

You don’t have any ground rules. She can just overstep freely like a mother-in-law. She fends over any of your deal breakers with a lame you only live once (YOLO) consolation.

You let her skip the restraints like they’re ads in a video but lurking around is an unprecedented dumping.

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You’re as available as free WIFI. The catchphrase absence makes the heart fonder is non-existent in your books.

She just thinks of you and voila! You appear. The mystery aspect she craves for is subverted by you, not by her.

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